after finally sorting out our crossed commentary
we are back

dont panic i will be publishing a medal table pretty soon

have been lucky enough this evening to visit the Hebrides football team as they prepare for their final against the Spanish(I Think)
they looked really relaxed but i did notice a few empty bottles of Famous Grouse lying around(i drank the lot)
do have some sad news to report this evening: Sun Moon Yeung has sadly passed away before his table tennis semi final against
Mei Po Sonyeu
foul play is suspected
must have been the chicken
thoughts go out to his family

surprise at the womens netball this evening when one of the americans unleashed a left breast in full view of the cameras
looked rather full and firm but enough of that

with final few days being dominated by the athletics that start tomorrow
we are left with a few sports still to commentate on

indoor duck hunting(new to me as well)
so far one duck ventured indoors quacked and promptly left
and finally to the womens teeth brushing
won by the ultra clean colgate fresh american
her husband was in raptures when asked how she did it
"no idea but guess what i`m getting tonight?"
looks like a minty fresh.......CUT(you cannot say that)

enough for today
join me and the team tomorrow
for now
Good Evening

gymnastics:......the russian lady scored a perfect score by refusing to let go on the rings
belarus won a silver by totally missing the pummel horse and landing perfectly over it(nice arse on that one)

pistol shooting  the British shooter forgot to bring ammunition and was throw out of the event
to the mens cycling:  nice bikes all available at ridiculously high prices at a certain store that begins with H
(not allowed to advertise)

now to to womens mud wrestling:.....this has turned rather ugly at the moment with both the spanish and welsh ladies arguing the  toss over the consistency of the mud......i dare say this argument will rumble on and on....you know what women are like  one is always right

staying with the women(!!!!!!) we now have the women`s archery
the current leader  the South Korean Mei Aim IssaTrue has been disqualified for hitting one of the marshals in the nutbag
silly sod should have moved out of the way and kept his nuts in his pocket(dry roasted apparently,now salted)

there was a nice touch earlier when after winning the Ladies bowls tournament both american ladies took a knee
not sure who`s knees they took but it was touching

now the mens dressage
and ....yep a lot of cross dressers on show here....i do like the look of the Australian in that very fetching pink dress with pink legging to match has to be a contender for a medal like the colour co ordination 

a few events we have missed
but are worth a mention

Trampolining they are still trying to free the South Korean Gentleman who is still,after 3 days in the roof
The 100 metres running backwards was won by someone couldn`t see his name 
and finally for this episode
we witnessed a new world record for the most amount of mayonnaise slapped on a sandwich
this occurred as we left the stadium we witnessed this woman bite into a sandwich and the mayo simply exploded everywhere(pretty sure porn hub will claim the rights to that )

until our regular highlights this evening
whatever time we are allowed on air

have a good afternoon
from me and the team

"you idiot there aint no (BLEEEP) team,its just you

"your mike is still on"....................................................................................BLEEP

Well this next fixture will be a tricky one for Hibs - the usual threat of a shit artificial surface plus the home team are familiar with this pitch and how to play well on the surface. I hope JR chooses players who are reasonably comfortable on this pitch and just "go with it" and, fingers crossed, we avoid any nasty injuries. It would be nice to pick up another 3 pts and lay down a "marker" of intent to attain as high a league position as possible but we need to play well and focus on the movement and bounce of the ball. C'mon Hibs!

GGTTH

as promised earlier
a total shock in the football The Outer Hebrides Have reached the  final after a thumping 5-1 win against China
thats means they are guaranteed at least a silver medal:

not going to put up a full medal table

but:
1: China 55 Golds
2: USA 49
23:GB 3


the semi final of the table tennis was halted this evening when the table lost it`s legs...(too much beer last night maybe?)
another new event:....the Olympic knitting........thats a bloody long scarf  well knitted to the south Korean lady 

the 100 metres ladies backstroke was due to have been held today,however the removal of the ducks proved impossible it it now scheduled for tomorrow 

(in case anyone is wondering the 3 GB medals came in the .........Croquet .......pin The Tail on the pervert.....and the 200 metres  in the garden lawnmower event)

look folks i cannot cover every event

and the last event today was the car washing event......comfortably won by the Albanians.....cleaning a world record 200 cars in 2 hours

Wigan lose their appeal against a 12 point deduction and are relegated

first up today is the rowing:
and that couple in the next room to me have been at it all night(rowing that is)
something about the size of something:

now to the tennis and the mixed doubles:
has not been a great game to watch too many unforced errors,due to the fact that the Frence/Croatian players
have been playing what can only be described as dirty tennis...the French man has been askiing the Croatian lady to clean his balls(not in the true spirit of the game)
still it could have been worse he could have been paired with a Thai Woman.....(new balls please)

now to the pool:....once they clear the ducks from it
we should have the womens 100 metres backstroke(lovely to see a woman on her back)
Sexist comment at its very best

will be back shortly as i need a dump:

.........................................................................................................................

ooofffff i wouldn`t use that toilet for a while

football now:
and the The Outer Hebrides continue their remarkable run,having beaten Brazil,they are now just one game away from reaching the final 
and at half time in their game against China they are leading 2-0
amazing score that

and finally for this report
the mens rowing event

Great Britain finishing in a creditable 3rd place

thanks for tuning in
further highlights later this evening

but just before i go  a further update on the football
The Hebrides have just made it 3-0

join us (me) later

SHOCK...GASP.....HORROR
Kristien is actually posting a thread (loosely) About football

having done hours(well 30seconds) of research
i have come to the conclusion that football DID actually exist (BPL) thats Before Premier League
times we all spent freezing our nuts off in December watching our breath drift off in the atmosphere
all games kicked off at 3.00PM
all those hand held radios glued to fans ear holes or those posh ones that had that small earpiece inserted in their left ear
queuing at half time for the toilets...hearing the lovely sound of urine melting the ice and breathing in the scent of warm urine

looking at the scoreboard along side the pitch not knowing who game M was cause you had forgotten to buy a programme
that lovely winters day walk back up the Birmingham Road towards West Bromwich
getting drowned by twat motorists who thought it fun to drive as close to the pavement as they could
oh yes they were the days
getting up and watching Star Soccer Highlights on sundays

now what do we have?
effing silly kick off times
over inflated ticket prices
a very uncomfortable plastic seat
frisked on the way into the ground(love that)
being told to sit all the time
and highlights on stupid o clock


ahhh oh for the good old days

so to the Pin The Tail On The Donkey
eventually won by the Belgian who pinned it spot on

to the Squash....and a perfectly poured glass by G.B
Womens Netball:......pretty exciting but no result between Azerbaijan And Cuba  into over time No idea of the score

Badminton: And there is some confusion here as to the size of the cocks being used(who knew they had a size issue)
Womens Boxing: The Taiwanese Boxer Was Disqualified for a low blow....the Spanish Woman most certainly felt that

Discus Now: the Belorussian  woman has thrown a huge 85 metres(oh wait it wasnt a discus it was her husbands dirty breakfast plate)
(always wash your breakfast plates up guys)

ans so to the Plumb In A Washing Machine......G.B managed It In 6.5 minutes and looks like taking the gold medal

Up Next The Mouse Trap Event
and after completing the putting together of the mouse trap...the russian was left red faced when the mouse actually escaped


Highlights To Follow At 6.00PM

Just been announced......

It's Lewis O'Brien.      

Celtic top of the Premiership tonight and Odsonne Edouard scoring another "hat trick" and confirming he is an exceptional striking talent worth £25M-£30M in this lower standard Scot league setting. However, this kinda positive early form will likely draw admirers with big cheque books - watch this space.