[Lord Snooty]

WEST HAM: Pts 35, GD -24
Sat 5: Leicester (a)
Thu 10: Man Utd (h)
Sun 13: Everton (h)

TOWN: Pts 35, GD -29
Sun 6: Man City (a)
Wed 9: Chelsea (a)
Sun 13: Arsenal (h)

SWANSEA: Pts 33, GD -25
Sat 5: Bournemouth (a)
Tue 8: Southampton (h)
Sun 13: Stoke (h)

SOUTHAMPTON: Pts 32, GD -19
Sat 5: Everton (a)
Tue 8: Swansea (a)
Sun 13: Man City (h)

STOKE: Pts 30, GD -33
Sat 5: Crystal Palace (h)
Sun 13: Swansea (a)

WBA: Pts 28, GD -24
Sat 5: Spurs (h)
Sun 13: Crystal Palace (a)

Well that's Brighton out of the equation now. Anything but a win for Stoke today means they can't catch us. Will the real Palace turn up today? Always said they were in a false position all season, they're much better than that.
As for Southampton, well one of the blokes at one of the other firms that operate from our building at work has revealed himself as a Southampton fan. And he's a Tory, so all the more reason for Big Sam to do it for us today. Come on Sam. You were always my favourite.  

However, if things don't go for us today, there's a distinct possibility that we could go to the Emptyhad tomorrow as a bottom 3 team. If that happens so soon, I really can't see us coming back. We need to be still outside the relegation trapdoor by the time we play the Arse.