[theo_luddite]

Bornmuff v Town
Vitality Stadium
(That's Dean Court plus a Temporary Stand)
Owd Codgers Road
Kings Park
Close to the Devon Creameries
Boscombe
A short(ish) walk from Boscombe Pier (about 30 mins)
A bit of a hike from Bornmuff Pier (about an hour).

Kick-off 15:00 UK Time
Saturday 12/12/2020

How to get there

Head south towards Poole Harbour then hang a left just before your front wheels get wet. If your drivers side wheels are getting wet, weave your way north from Boscombe Pier until you see a lot of traffic. Park in the supermarket car park and ask for walking directions to the ground.

Full info if you are allowed out this weekend is in here if you fancy a day by the seaside listening to their local radio chaps and eating a Devon Pastie on the prom, seriously folks it's all in here.

https://footballgroundguide.com/leagues/...mouth.html

Why the hell you'd want to go anywhere this weekend when you can stay near home and just infect/be infected by your neighbours in Asda or Lidl is beyond me, but there you go.*

*Other supermarkets are available for cross contamination. Some of them will also give you the flu jab.

Postcode?
How big do you think Boscombe is ffs? It's a village next to Bournemouth

So, given, like me you've got to stay at home, unless you have to go to work, what's better than a Friday footie kwiz?
(That's not the first question - I've confirmed it, after a VAR review).

Kwik Kwiz

1. One of these is allegedly a Devon Pastie and one is allegedly a Cornish Pastie. Which is which?




2. Other than stopping the innards from falling out while it's in t'oven - what was the original purpose of the crimp - (maybe) according to them in the County next door?

So, got your Christmas Covid prezzie shopping all sorted yet?
Posted all your cards to your mates who you don't know the full address for?
No?
Me neither.
Don't know whether to stay down here until January and get infected in a supermarket or come up there for a few days to get infected to be honest. Either way for us oldish but healthy 'uns it will be Easter before we get injected if we don't get infected first. Which Easter is anyone's guess but I'm not staying under the duvet until I find out either.

Back to the football - the important stuff.

Town head darn sarf to the Dorset coast for Saturday's match.

On the tellybox
Not showing anywhere at the moment other than iFollow, AFC Bornmuff TV and some of your fave dodgy streams that will cut out just before someone scores or by half-time (maybe later, if you are really lucky).

If you are watching on iFollow, the adverts will kick in just as the prematch mumbles of the Radio Local guys and gals get interesting. Why do they play the radio commentary half-time replays over the stats and then show the video replay later in the break in complete silence? Wtf is that all about?

Latest news
Under current Government guidelines, the flow of old codgers retiring to take in the bracing sea breezes and massive, sorry expansive, sorry, miles of a thin strips of sandy beaches (unlike the huge rocks that dislocate your toes at say, Brighton) has been put on hold.

"Sod off back to that there Larndan and take your Covids with you", is the message that the local council is promoting. Check it out on their council website. They don't want any of them-there-nasty-Larndan-virus's invading their Devon Cream tea shops you know. That's why they are in Tier 2 and we aren't, though we aren't Larndan either.   

Unless I'm very much mistaken, and at the risk of a Murrayism, Bornmuff and the whole of Dorset is in Tier 2 so they will be allowed up to 2000 supporters, or damned near a full house by their standards, given the Subbuteo sized stands at Dean Court The Vitality Stadium, for this match.

Bornmuff have refunded all season ticket holders (or are doing so on a month by month basis) and have introduced a raffle system whereby the winners have to pay for the seat(s) they "win" if they want to attend. Otherwise it's similar to the way ours is reported to be, in that the ST holders names/seats are entered until they've all seen a match and then they are re-entered. As they never had more than 6-7000 ST holders in the Prima Donna League, those that have renewed this season should all be back in the hat again after next midweek's Wycombe game (more or less).  

The Vitality Stadium



The old Dean Court Stadium was redeveloped, the pitch turned through 90° to encourage the team to stop playing across the park all the time, and built with only 3 stands and a big car park at the open end. This was to make it easier for the ball boys to retrieve balls from the car park, and also opened up the almost unique possibility of "drive-in football".

But they never really exploited that potential, which was remarkably short sighted of them given where things stand at the moment. Just look at the potential - Covid tests with results given by half-time (Litttlewoods and Vernons never offered that before), pasties, beers and yet more pasties and beers delivered to your car door by staff on roller skates/blades, all while watching a top level footie match with your windows wound down and commentary from BBC Radio Poole Harbour. Just needs a row of portaloos at the back of the car park where all them with Covid can infect everyone else that doesn't yet have it. Genius!!  

The South Stand - aka The Ted MacDougall** Stand - was built in 2013 as a temporary stand and totally screwed up my genius plan, following Cherries’ promotion from League One. A condition of the planning permission required it to be removed and the land restored within five years. As a result they had to apply for new planning permission to keep it, so it looks like that's all gone OK then. A bit of Russian Oligarch spare cash no doubt helped grease those wheels ('appen, allegedly, more Devon Cream on those scones Councillor?)   .

** A former player who scored a lot of goals by Bornmuff standards at the time in 1969-72. He left to score goals prolifically for Norwich and Liverpool South. He returned in 1980 for a season and a bit and scored another slack handful or three. Judging by who he's played for since, he's probably still playing for a kids U16 Sunday League side somewhere as a guest over-age player.

His half brother Doug McClure was a famous 'mercan actor. Well half of his surname is similar.



Apart from the hair, the eyes, the nose and the chin, you'd swear they were separated at birth. They both have their mothers (or is it their grandmothers???) teeth. Where would we be without hand-me-downs eh?

New Stadium
Bornmuff have been talking about building a new and bigger stadium in Kings Park for at least 4 years. Two years ago they claimed they'd have it built by 2020. They are still talking about it - apparently. It's up there with the Brexit deal as having as much chance of getting done by the end of the year. They were eyeing the land currently occupied by Kings Park Athletic Club Stadium, owned by the Council but the Athletics Club have been there for over 50 years. The athletics club's most famous athlete, Mike Wheeler, 1935 to 2020, won an Olympic Bronze in the 1956 Melbourne Olympics as a member of the GB 4x400m squad.
He still holds the club record for 400m        
What a fine example of modern coaching for the yoof of GB Athletics. The stream of talent should not be hindered in any way in my opinion.
Quotes "Thank fook we were Geordies and had to train yup nooerth in the cold." S.Cram, B. Foster

Also rumoured to be eyeing land near to Bornmuff Airport, hell just take over the airport chaps, nobody needs it at the moment other than to fly in Covid vaccine supplies from Jan 1st when Kent and Calais get turned into lorry parks, oh, it seems they already are lorry parks.

No sign of a shovel in the ground yet anywhere close to Bornmuff, so no news there then.

What's new in the land of thick cream and strawberry jam?
After going bust owing around £4 million in the 2008 Season and starting on -17 points in League 2 the following season, they eventually appointed former player Eddie Howe as the League's youngest manager (31) about half-way through the season. He managed to keep them in the League by the skin of their teeth, beating Grimsby Town 2–1 with a winning goal ten minutes from time by Bournemouth's Steve Fletcher, sparking wild celebrations after a fairytale ending to "The Great Escape." They finished their troubled season with their best away win in 30 years with a 4–0 victory at Morecambe.

In June 2009, a consortium including Adam Murry finally took over Bournemouth. The consortium included Jeff Mostyn, former vice-chairman Steve Sly, Neill Blake and former Dorchester Town chairman Eddie Mitchell. Between them and a bit later on bringing in a generous Russian "investor" or three - check out their board of directors -  Howe got Bournemouth promoted the following season and they began an almost unstoppable march up the leagues to the Prima Donna League.

Many football fans couldn't (still can't, some are beyond help) work out how a club with such a small stadium could do this - somehow still believing that clubs only generated or obtained their income from the supporters coming through the gates. How naive can they be? Eddie Howe had gone on a sabatical to Burnalee in the midst of all this, however he returned as a hero after his missus buggered off back down south to family and to flee the cold and driving rain that is a Burnalee Spring and Autumn, not to mention the howling gales blowing down off Pendle Hill in the Winter, or was that Summer?

Sell on clauses from sales of players to Southampton, aka, Liverpool South, who later went on to move to the mother ship in Scouseland were enough, just, to escape the FL's Financial Fair Play rules. From 2015, Bornmuff had 5 seasons in Prima Donna land, establishing themselves as a solid mid-table mediocrity club, at a cost that was inhibiting their ability to expand Dean Court (unlikely to ever happen) or build something bigger nearby (see below, or was it above? Whatever, it's in the thread somewhere). Then the wheels fell off, spectacularly, last season. Some blamed injuries - not unreasonable - but by now Eddie Howe had a backroom staff well equipped to surely have the knowledge to minimise these. The club also had a shed load of higher earning "older" players recruited on their way down (the players, not the club) perhaps not gelling properly with the upcoming yoof, or maybe questioning his ideas. Step forward exhibit 8, Mr. Phil Billing, step backwards exhibit 28, Jermaine Defoe.

After finishing bottom last season (who hasn't in recent years?) the man they couldn't sack, walked away.

His place has been taken by his former coach Jason Tindall.


Is he his own man, keeping the job if they go back up, which they are well placed to do, or is he keeping the seat warm for an eventual return of the prodigal son?

Time will tell.

VAR also tells me this can not be used as a Kwik Kwiz question.
It doesn't fit the criteria of a total and utter bollox decision by a ref or liner, or the thick-end of a toenail or fingernail being too long for being an offside decision that was clearly missed by the liner.

Old Programmes

Come back in 20 years, or maybe Sunday, it will look really old by then.  

Out Injured/Suspended
Schindy did his knee a nasty looking mischief last Saturday when he was having arguably his best game of the season and Josh Koroma did a similar studs/cleats stuck in the turf knee twister against Wendies at the other end of the pitch. Schindy's knee is so fecked up they couldn't work out if he actually had one in the first scan. Hoggy had already hobbled off before half time with what appeared to be a groin or thereabouts injury on Tuesday against Wendies. Updates to these and our other long-term injured will no doubt be covered in the Pressers section.

Ouch, ouch, ouch.
Koroma - out for up to 3 months
Schindy - they still can't work this one out but at least the same as Koroma by the sound of it.
Hoggy - not available this weekend but shouldn't be out for long


Back training but not oven ready/Back in the frame
With all these injuries there must surely be room on the bench for some more of the '5 strikers' we have at the club?

Our Chairlump apparently had the same Maths teacher as these two mathematically challenged individuals



"Errrr, wa, wa, wa, wa, one? ........              ummm, ter, ter, ter, ter, twoooo? ....."

Doubtful that the three pasties can count to four between them.

Last time out
Town recorded their 2nd 2-0 home win on the bounce on Tuesday night against the poorest Wendies side I've seen in ages, what did you think?


Come on Snoots, you sat on the fence on the Wendies thread when you knew they were looking. You can let rip on here as they'll be totally absorbed by their Barnsalee thread.  

Their best chance came when we gifted the ball to Jordan Rhodes late on, who's shot was pushed round the post by Ben Hamer.

Bornmuff on t'other hand drew 0-0 at Swansea. Hell, we won 0:3 there so they can't be all that good can they?    
That followed a 0:4 win at Barnsalee at the weekend, some chap called Billing scored one of them.  
Hopefully we keep him quiet on Saturday.


All the results


Tables, chairs, kitchen furniture in general
Town are finally back in the top half of the table and although 12th we're only 6 points behind 6th place Brizzle.
I've got a bit of one of them "deja viewed it before all over again" things going on here. Weren't we here a few weeks back?


Kwik Kwiz
3. Can we stay there, move closer to the top 6 or are we about to set off on another erratic run of results?
Answers to this one on the back of a £5, £10 or £20 note to the "Stairs - Keep the site running please" benevolent fund.
(If I find or get sent the link again I'll add it here).
Just realised - AmChaff still has a whole thread full of links on our home page
http://www.sportsbabble.co.uk/showthread.php?tid=9834

Come on folks - if some owd codger walking round his garden path with his zimmer frame can raise £millions .....

Form
Both teams haven't conceded in their last 2 games - so 0-0 it is likely to be then.
We're obviously two sides 100% obsessed with defending.  



Innies and Outies
Bornmuff off-loaded over £80m of transfer revenue, plus a shed load of seriously high wages on freebies this summer to try not to upset the EFL FPL rules this season. Don't fret too much about the poor little darlings, their current squad is still rated at a value north of £120m. They didn't spend a penny of that on transfer fees - they have previous in this regard. If many of those had not arrived or were gone last season, would Eddie Howe have kept them up? VAR has once again ruled this is not a fair Kwik Kwiz question.



Who's banging 'em in
For the most part, Bornmuff are currently banging 'em in for fun.


Local music
Alex James - bass geetarist of Blur - Parklife? Nah - I prefer this one


Presenter of The Choir series of TV programmes, Gareth Malone


"Listen, I wanna sell you a Tory", Max Bygraves sang about Pink and Blue Toothbrushes when his "Hands" weren't all over the place.
This is the Cover of his "Bygraves Sings Heavy Metal" album.

The nearest he ever did to Heavy Metal was picking up a large stainless steel soup spoon.

The first DJ on Radio 1 - Tony Blackburn hails from these here parts - well, since he was 3 years old.

This was the first song ever played on Radio 1 by one of the many former stalwarts of the pirate radio station that was Radio Caroline that became Radio 1 joss dickeys.



Kwik Kwiz
4. What year was this? (Start of Radio 1, not the grainy video).

Bornmuff is just round the corner from Poole and Poole Harbour.
With another tenuous link to the 1960's here's a tune or two by Brian Poole and the Tremeloes.

Make it three  

Kwik Kwiz
5. Name any record you can find a YouTube video for where the Tremeloes played a track written, recorded or performed anywhere else by the Beatles or Lennon & McCartney. Post the link(s) to score the point(s). More links = more points

All got sod all to do with Bornmuff but ..........
It's my story and I'll write what I want to, write what I want to. You'd do it too if you were writing it too.
(There might be a song in there somewhere- let me work on it).

Kwik Kwiz
6. What was Tony Blackburn's Radio One dog called? (Hint - it wasn't Shep).
7. The geetarist in The Move went on to form and play in many other bands. You can hear one of his songs played on every radio station what seems like every 5 minutes this month, apart from Radio 3 and Classic FM perhaps. Name that man and name that tune.

Oh go on then - here's Parklife while you work out the quiz answers


They can't all lose
The top 3 are all playing teams with a short run of form behind them, so owt could happen there. Otherwise there's a mixed bag with a few mid-table battles going on that will also affect where we are come Saturday evening.


We've played 'em before
Well, the odds when I looked were 11/17 for this to be even-stevens by 5pm on Saturday.



23/5 if you fancy a cheeky one on a Town win, 16/5 the draw, just in case you were interested.

Next up?
Coventry away, on a wet Wednesday night in Birmingham!!! Deary me - and some folk complain about our Chairlump.  
Mark Robins walked away from the Town Manager's job after Town were outplayed, nay hammered, by a Bournemouth side in our opening home match of the 2015 season after we'd hammered them the season before. What Bournemouth had invested in (generally better players on high wages rather than transfer fees) had gone under the radar of a lot of Town supporters. Town as usual had spent 2/3rds of bugger all other than taking the team for a piss-up in Spain for a week, or wherever, in the guise of a training camp. Bournemouth went up - we didn't. No surprises there than.


Pressers
Careless on Radio Local
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0911y05

Ben Hamer on Radio Local
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0911zz7

Bornmuff Pressers or news - as soon as I find them on Friday
https://www.afcb.co.uk/videos/press-conf...ers-stall/

Kwik Kwiz
What do you mean you stopped reading after the Pressers? Pay attention at the back. Sit up Snoots, you're slouching again and go and pick someone to blow the moths out of your wallet for P4P.

Right so 3 more to make this into a 10 question Kwiz.

8. Can you do sign language?
Town are looking for a qualified signer to give the rest of us a chance of understanding what the hell Carlos says in his Pressers.

(Hint, the answer is Yes or No - both are correct so you get at least one Kwik Kwiz answer correct. If yes - please contact Sue Beaumont in the Ticket Office - oh, hang on a minute, she's retired but sent me a very nice reply to my get well soon email. I'll try to get someone else interested). If you are learning you get 2 points, but you have to post a YouTube video as proof every week until you can prove what you say is what you can do. Carlos will also want it signed in Spanish so his mum knows what he's saying too.

Auntygrams - these are seemingly popular on jjamez's threads so I thought I'd try a couple.
9. Blip Ping Hill - didn't want to make the first one too difficult - for me, not you, I'm sure you understand.
10. Chyme Kip Molt

I can see you all struggling for seconds with this last one. Hint - it's not Grant Holt.

Just saying, like before you all dive in with a daft answer.
He used to play for them, like he used to play for us, until that **** at Preston nearly snapped his leg in half.
Oh! Sorry, too much information? Did I give that one away? Surely not.

I bet that Both Ends chap that comes on here will get that one.
So if he does, just for themaclad

Kwik kwiz
11. Who fouled him and didn't even get penalised to give us a free kick, and who was the plonker with the whistle that didn't even call it a foul even though our chap is still not even close to being fit again?

I just want to make sure they aren't on my Christmas Card list this year. Nothing vindictive, you understand?

Fair play pal, tha' battles on, arl on thee own on here.

Keep safe peeps.

Kwik Kwiz
12. Who's up for the next thread?

I know I'm on again for next Saturday. Harry Potter's 11 v Town at quidditch.

Last bit - honest.

Dr. Winston O' Boogie was taken from us, well before his time, by a deranged New York nutjob with a gun 40 years ago this week.


40 years ago???????????  
Where did that go?

[Lord Snooty]

Nice one, theo.

You do know Bornmuff is in Dorset, not Devon don't you?

Terrible news about young Josh. Absolute rotten luck.

Anyway.....

1. Top one's Cornish
2. The crimp is the handle for the miners'mucky hands to hold.
4. 1967

Where's number 3 gone? I've lost sight of it.

---

Found it.....

3. Yes. Bad news about Koroma, but cometh the hour, cometh the Diakhaby.

[theo_luddite]

Oh bugger

[theo_luddite]

I've been on to the Councils and Bornmuff and Plymouth have agreed to a weekend County/Culture swap for the weekend - so that's all sorted then.

[Lord Snooty]

6. Arnold

---

7. Roy Wood. I Wish it Could Be Christmas Every Day.

---

8. No

---

9. Phillip Billing
10. Tommy Elf-Prick

---

11. Can't remember.
12. It's me. Just a short one this time.

[theo_luddite]

Tindall's Presser on their website now in the original post.


To save you looking - it's here too.
https://www.afcb.co.uk/videos/press-conf...ers-stall/

---

Good to see Snoots still has far too much time on his hands, other than his ability to remember what happened at Preston last season.

While I'm gathering notes for next weeks match at Harry Potter World I'll see where I can move Watford to as well. They must be thoroughly bored with being in Herts by now. I'll have a word with Beds, Bucks and Middlesex. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't want to be Berks and would much prefer some M'sex. I'll ring round the Council Offices on Sunday and see what they all have to say.

Got to be a new Covid Christmas thing - Swap a County for Christmas. Got a sleigh-bell ring to it that.

I'm sure Geoff Boycott would love to be moved to Cheshire for a weekend. Oh hang on, he's moved there already.

[jjamez]

Wasn't the crimping also so they knew which end was savoury and which was the pudding? Or have I just dreamt that up?

[theo_luddite]

That was definitely something they did so it would make a lot of sense to always organise it the right way round.

[jjamez]

Thought I had heard it somewhere before


So how do we replace our many injuries today? Do we write this one off with a much more winnable Coventry game on the horizon, or do we just try attack the game like we would any other and arguably say sod the consequences in terms of fitness and injuries?

Personally I'd like to see daly or Austerfield come in for hogg and have O'brien or eiting sit deeper, allow vallejo more minutes in the second half with the view to him coming in against Coventry.

In Koroma position, I'd personally, believe it or not, go for bacuna, keeps him away from our goal, gives him chance to cut in and shoot, but also means I don't have to watch diakhaby or pritchard

[Lord Snooty]

What's happened to Austerfield? He looked brilliant in pre season. Played the last 11 minutes against Rochdale and hasn't been seen since.