17-12-2020, 16:46
So, first things first: the rotund figure emerging from the chimney at the Hawthorns has arrived a week earlier than expected, and naturally, not everyone's pleased to see him. I think we can all join together in thanking Slaven Bilic for delivering a better-than-expected season last year, which probably fell victim in the end to its own early success, making promotion the unmissable target that we nearly *did* miss, and leaving us adrift in the Prem with a squad that's not really good enough and a first team who've floundered for months. And so Sam Allardyce finally takes the seat he saw so much of as Brian Talbot's right-hand man, tasked with Keeping The Dream Alive some thirty years after he and Talbot were turfed out by Tim Buzaglo.
But although Sam-ta Claus Is Coming To Town, there's no guarantee of a Wonderful Christmastime for Albion. (Incidentally, if you're already groaning at this point then you might want to spare yourself the next few paragraphs, because the puns really aren't going to get any better from here.) On Sunday evening we'll have to Stop The Ca-Villa-ry (see, I told you) as Dean Smith brings his claret shower to the Hawthorns for the first time since their glorious 2019 shoot-out triumph over Albion's makeshift line-up of three centre-halves, a Subbuteo man and a dachshund that wandered onto the pitch by mistake. They may have Decked The Holte With Boughs Of Ollie (Watkins), but if our star defender can manage a second goal in two games then he might just give some much-needed Ajayi To The World. (No, the first one wasn't a City own goal, because... shut up.)
Then it's up to Anfield the day after Boxing Day for some Mistletoe & Wijnaldum. (Look, stop complaining; I'm down to using Cliff Richard songs, none of us is exactly having a whale of a time here.) After a rough start, Liverpool are now practically Walking In The Air, but if we can deliver the same kind of discipline we showed against City then there's a chance we might instead hear some Squawking From The Herr. (Because Jurgen Klopp is German. So "Herr Klopp". Keep up, FFS.)
Much as we might wish to Stay Another Day on Merseyside, we'll be Driving Home For Christmas two days later, as we're paid a visit at the Hawthorns by Bielsabub himself. Leeds have been pretty solid this season, and will be dreaming of a White Christmas, but mix the Bing Crosby with a touch of Elvis and Christmas might just be Blue and White.
And finally, they may have the angel Gabriel in defence, but Arsenal have not been good boys this year. In this Bleak Midwinter they've got good reason to cry O Come O Come Emmanuel Petit, or even As With Gladness Men Of Steve Bould; but a saviour to them has not yet been born. And so they'll be travelling up to the Black Country the evening after New Year's Day for our first fixture of 2021, and with any luck, we'll take a cup of kindness then for Auld Aubameyang Syne.
So rather than continue with the leftover cracker jokes that were so bad even I rejected them (for the record, I'm typing this with a Villa squadlist beside me and "Mings Mongs Merrily On High" firmly crossed out), I'll take this opportunity to wish everyone a merry Christmas and a happy New Year, and let's hope that both treat us well.
Christmas & New Year Fixtures
Aston Villa (H), Sun 20/12 - 19:15
Liverpool (A), Sun 27/12 - 16:30
Leeds (H), Tue 29/12 - 18:00
Arsenal (H), Sat 02/01 - 20:00
Aston Villa (H), Sun 20/12 - 19:15
Liverpool (A), Sun 27/12 - 16:30
Leeds (H), Tue 29/12 - 18:00
Arsenal (H), Sat 02/01 - 20:00
"I would rather spend a holiday in Tuscany than in the Black Country, but if I were compelled to choose between living in West Bromwich or Florence, I should make straight for West Bromwich." - J.B. Priestley