[derbybaggie]

I’ve just come back from the jungle where I saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes.

I turned to my guide and said "that lizard’s really funny!"

The guide replied, "that's not a lizard...He's a standup chameleon."

[derbybaggie]

Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race.

Apparently he's been using performance enhancing rugs.

[Salopbaggie]

Went in for a prostate exam today.
When the exam was finished the doctor left the room and the nurse came in
She shut the door and said those three words no man wants to hear

“Who was that?"

[derbybaggie]

My doctor just diagnosed me with a severe lack of awareness.

That came out of nowhere.

[derbybaggie]

I thought I saw Michael J Fox at my local florist.

I'm not 100% sure though as he had his back to the fuchsias.

[derbybaggie]

I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart when they've never even seen one of his paintings

[Salopbaggie]

Went swimming today.
Had a sneaky pee in the deep end.
Unfortunately the lifeguard saw me.
He blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

[derbybaggie]

I made up my mind to sail round the globe in the world’s smallest ship, but I’ve bottled it.

[talkSAFT]

Didn't know quite where to post this, but.......
I was walking lunchtime down St.Ives Harbour (by where I now live, in Cornwall) and I saw (from behind) this beautifully-clad Sikh and his wife. They looked like something out of the 18th century. He'd got a big turban, and a beard down to his chest, and he was in his 60s/70s. She was clad in Sikh gear.
2 minutes later I saw them coming from the front.......He had an Albion badge on the front of his turban, and was wearing an Albion shirt!! I gave them a great Boing-Boing, and they both laughed and cheered, shouting "C'mon you Baggies!!"

I've always liked Sikhs, and this made my day.

[Stairs]

Didn't know quite where to post this, but.......
I was walking lunchtime down St.Ives Harbour (by where I now live, in Cornwall) and I saw (from behind) this beautifully-clad Sikh and his wife. They looked like something out of the 18th century. He'd got a big turban, and a beard down to his chest, and he was in his 60s/70s. She was clad in Sikh gear.
2 minutes later I saw them coming from the front.......He had an Albion badge on the front of his turban, and was wearing an Albion shirt!! I gave them a great Boing-Boing, and they both laughed and cheered, shouting "C'mon you Baggies!!"

I've always liked Sikhs, and this made my day.

I was in St Ives this week myself. Lovely place. We are looking at possible locations for retirement and love the Cornwall vibe and so currently it’s between that and Devon.
So if you saw a WBA plate in the station car park, that was me.