23-06-2016, 16:00
I must not only plead 'guilty as charged', m`lud, but ask for another case to be taken into consideration. My other son also follows Forest, so on that basis I am doubly guilty.
However, before you don the black cap and pass sentence may I please be allowed to make a plea in mitigation?
My elder son (the lawyer) was born in Kings Mill Hospital in Sutton-in Ashfield in 1978, at which time my wife and I lived in Mansfield Woodhouse. Before you condemn me entirely for allowing the perversion of his directing his footballing allegiance to the City Ground, can I ask Your Worship to consider WHAT THE ALTERNATIVE COULD HAVE BEEN!! It truly brings me out in a cold sweat whenever I think about it. Surely, my refusal to allow the unnatural abomination of my first-born turning out to be a M*******d fan should earn me some credit in the eyes of the Court.
By the time my son started to take an interest in football in the mid-1980s, we had moved to Bedford and for some reason that, at this distance in time I cannot recall, decided to follow West Ham United. This allegiance was strengthened when we moved to the East London / Essex area in 1986. Little brother, who by that time was also starting to take an interest in things football-related, decided for some reason - again, I recall not what - to declare an allegiance to Liverpool.
As you may not be surprised to learn, this situation was not a happy one in that it was not at all conducive to a peaceful family existence. Finally, growing weary of the continuous arguments of increasing ferocity, I grabbed them both by the scruff of the neck and told them that they were going to have to start supporting the same club or mother or I (or both) were going to have a nervous breakdown. I must also admit to a slightly more mercenary motive; I was getting thoroughly teed off with having to buy different replica shirts every birthday and / or Christmas and thought that I might be able to save a bit of dosh if I could just buy one for big brother and he could then pass it on to little brother when he grew out of it. Unworthy of me, I know, but there you go.
I was eventually able to persuade them; again I can`t recall exactly how but I have no doubt that bribery of some sort was involved.
Now for the choice of club. As it happened, big brother was starting to fall out with West Ham - they`d probably lost a couple of games - but wasn`t prepared to take on Liverpool. He apparently suggested to little brother, unbeknown to me, that he really ought to support his hometown team, and on the basis that Bedford, where no. 2 son was born, didn`t have a league team would he go along with that? Amazingly - no doubt either more bribery or threat of physical violence was involved - little brother agreed so they came to me with that proposal and asked whether they could have a look at the map to see what was the nearest team to where big brother was born. That was when the cold sweats started.
I distinctly remember holding open the map and refusing to let it go until they made their decision, on the basis that I had my thumb strategically placed to cover a certain town that shall not be named. If supporting Chesterfield, like Dad, was not acceptable (and kids of that age at that time did did NOT go along with Dads; it really wasn`t cool), then on the grounds that there were only 2 league teams in Nottinghamshire (???!!!), it would have to be either Forest or County. Presumably on the basis that Forest were doing better than County at the time - they usually were, to be fair - they were chosen.
And there, m`lud, I rest my case. I stand before you in the dock with head bowed and hope that Your Worship will take pity on this miserable sinner and show mercy when you pass sentence.
However, before you don the black cap and pass sentence may I please be allowed to make a plea in mitigation?
My elder son (the lawyer) was born in Kings Mill Hospital in Sutton-in Ashfield in 1978, at which time my wife and I lived in Mansfield Woodhouse. Before you condemn me entirely for allowing the perversion of his directing his footballing allegiance to the City Ground, can I ask Your Worship to consider WHAT THE ALTERNATIVE COULD HAVE BEEN!! It truly brings me out in a cold sweat whenever I think about it. Surely, my refusal to allow the unnatural abomination of my first-born turning out to be a M*******d fan should earn me some credit in the eyes of the Court.
By the time my son started to take an interest in football in the mid-1980s, we had moved to Bedford and for some reason that, at this distance in time I cannot recall, decided to follow West Ham United. This allegiance was strengthened when we moved to the East London / Essex area in 1986. Little brother, who by that time was also starting to take an interest in things football-related, decided for some reason - again, I recall not what - to declare an allegiance to Liverpool.
As you may not be surprised to learn, this situation was not a happy one in that it was not at all conducive to a peaceful family existence. Finally, growing weary of the continuous arguments of increasing ferocity, I grabbed them both by the scruff of the neck and told them that they were going to have to start supporting the same club or mother or I (or both) were going to have a nervous breakdown. I must also admit to a slightly more mercenary motive; I was getting thoroughly teed off with having to buy different replica shirts every birthday and / or Christmas and thought that I might be able to save a bit of dosh if I could just buy one for big brother and he could then pass it on to little brother when he grew out of it. Unworthy of me, I know, but there you go.
I was eventually able to persuade them; again I can`t recall exactly how but I have no doubt that bribery of some sort was involved.
Now for the choice of club. As it happened, big brother was starting to fall out with West Ham - they`d probably lost a couple of games - but wasn`t prepared to take on Liverpool. He apparently suggested to little brother, unbeknown to me, that he really ought to support his hometown team, and on the basis that Bedford, where no. 2 son was born, didn`t have a league team would he go along with that? Amazingly - no doubt either more bribery or threat of physical violence was involved - little brother agreed so they came to me with that proposal and asked whether they could have a look at the map to see what was the nearest team to where big brother was born. That was when the cold sweats started.
I distinctly remember holding open the map and refusing to let it go until they made their decision, on the basis that I had my thumb strategically placed to cover a certain town that shall not be named. If supporting Chesterfield, like Dad, was not acceptable (and kids of that age at that time did did NOT go along with Dads; it really wasn`t cool), then on the grounds that there were only 2 league teams in Nottinghamshire (???!!!), it would have to be either Forest or County. Presumably on the basis that Forest were doing better than County at the time - they usually were, to be fair - they were chosen.
And there, m`lud, I rest my case. I stand before you in the dock with head bowed and hope that Your Worship will take pity on this miserable sinner and show mercy when you pass sentence.