27-12-2015, 23:20
![[Image: image.jpg]](http://s17.postimg.org/w7nr3k82n/image.jpg)
Billy Jones equalises against Newcastle at the Hawthorns, 20th April 2013
ASSOCIATION FOOTBALL: A GUIDE FOR THE PERPLEXED
1. The game is contested between two teams of eleven players, though participants may be removed from the field of play for idiotic tackles, silly headbutts, and the accumulation of yellow cards via pathetic dives and arguing with the referee.
2. The objective of the game is to score more "goals" than the opposition. "Goals" may be created and scored in a variety of ways, but it is generally held that they tend to occur as a result of "attacking" the opposition.
3. Scoring more goals than the opposition by the close of play results in the awarding of three "points". These "points" are tallied up and published in a league table; those with the least number at the close of a season are "relegated".
4. It is generally considered a bad idea to allow teams beneath you in the table to take three "points" from you. Conversely, to take three "points" from such opposition is highly advantageous, and is the cause of much joy and merriment among those who pay for the spectacle.
5. Sometimes working aaard just isn't enough.
Right. Any questions?
"I would rather spend a holiday in Tuscany than in the Black Country, but if I were compelled to choose between living in West Bromwich or Florence, I should make straight for West Bromwich." - J.B. Priestley