[Lord Snooty]

You're doing a grand job, theo.

Given my jinxing of players over the last couple of years, I shall not be picking young Mr Rhodes.

I will go for a pound per goal for Bacuna, O'Brien and Holmes. I will donate a fiver, yes five of your English pound notes, for each of the goals scored by Jonathan Hogg this season. 

And a pound for every Carabooboo and FA Cup goal.