[theo_luddite]

Thanks to the joys of working from home, I'm of the understanding that Ken Bruce has played what-ever-song-by-the-what-ever-UK-singer we apparently entered in this fiasco a few times in the last few weeks. I've not seen or even heard our song or the winner let alone the show by the way that I'm aware of.

Sly News and BBC News feeds, saying the same shit every 10-15 minutes are far more interesting, but even they were compelled to erm, make a comment or two, especially as the BBC apparently pays for about 20% of the costs of this crap.

I was actually watching the golf on t'other side o't'pond, which was brilliant entertainment thanks to an old Yankee fart that can't sing but is really good at hitting little white balls around a big green field next to the sea. As a prelude to watching early morning TV behind my eyelids I flicked over to BBC News. Unfortunately, they were disposed to show highlights and the result of this charade.

The BBC 2 programme of many years gone by hosted by Whispering Bob Harris and later Annie (a) Nightingale (sang in Berkeley Square) called the Old Grey Whistle Test didn't just have decent bands (from all over the world) playing decent songs and mostly live, but the title of the show also had a meaning - look it up you if you don't know what it means.

Wtf this charade has to do with music by comparison beggars belief.

The English lad apparently is from Settle in t'Yorkshire Dales. Now given I'm from God's own big Green Acres, I'd still bet there's many a Yorkshire farmer's wife between Settle and Horton-in-Ribblesdale that can carry a tune further in a full milk bucket than than this lad can. If his song, which I wouldn't recognise if it hit me smack in the face or between the ears on the A65, ever gets near to anyone whistling it, I'll be gobsmacked - and that goes for the clips of the supposedly "rock and roll" Aye'ties too.

So if first and last place are so instantly forgettable, wtf is the rest of the show about? Is it all so the outlandishly gay (and the rest, boys and girls mainly in the audience, some on the stage, others on commentary) of Europe get to have an expensive night out on the back of the big Euro tellybox channels largess? Not that there's anything wrong with that, apparently.

If all the bands got up and sang Abba's Waterloo, which is probably the last song I remember from this load of annual crap, they still wouldn't all get the same votes. We'd still get null points though, mostly because we'd have the dullest set and out of tune singer playing it as a dirge on the piano of them all. Just remember, it's not ever going to be political, just ask Terry Wobegone, oh, apparently you can't. After all, the Square Heads only got 3 points this time, I mean? When did we last lose 3-0 to the Germans?

Might as well have Bodgit singing "The Red Flag" while his missus gives him a hand (job) on stage in his baggie trousers.

No, I wouldn't pay to watch that either.

She's far too small to wear Bodgit's baggie trousers.