[Arcane Astral Aeons]

after a close finish i can now reveal the winner of the 2020 snail race
it was won by....................a snail

in a world record time of 5 months 2 days and 15 minutes
smashing the previous record by a month
We Shall Have An Interview Shortly

Next Up
The start of the 200 metres swan run
err i`m just hearing that event has been postponed it seems......yes.....they have all decided to take a knee
exciting to watch but dull to watch

And We Will Now Turn Our Attention To the world final of the wack-a-mole competition
we now go live to Mr Jones`s Back Garden

"Well Mr Jones how you feeling?..............................Mr Jones Why are you chasing me with that mallet?"

"Get The Fook Of My lawn"

back to the studio:

bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppppppppppp

and our outside transmissions seem to have gone down

normal service will be restored as soon as possible
thanks for watching,in the meantime we are heading to old trafford for some cricket:

over to phil tuffnell
"phil can you give us an update on todays play?"

"Aint been any you moron it`s been pi$$ing down all day"

well it seems cricket and rain don`t mix