04-05-2020, 22:48
The Grumpy Guide to the 10 best excuses a teenager will use when you ask them to do chores around the house.
1. "Let me just finish this game" - The great advantage of this excuse is there is no time period specified, and as an 'out of touch' parent you have no idea how long 'a game' actually goes on for, or how important not finishing 'the game' is. After a reasonable amount of time you may feel tempted to make your request again only to be met with, "I'm nearly finished" or occasionally "Oh, I forgot and started another game, but I won't be long
Solution Nr 1 - Do the chore yourself because you just know it's never going to happen.
2. Why can't .... (insert siblings name) do it? - A popular excuse which requires you to remember all the chores each teenager in the house has undertaken over the last year and compare these on a suitable severity of chore scale. The biggest problem with this excuse is that once you have ascertained that it is in fact the other teenager's turn to do a chore, they will use exactly the same excuse and introduce some other chore or 'favour' that they have done which you'd overlooked in your original severity of chore calculation.
Solution Nr 2 - it's not worth the argument, you might as well do it yourself.
3. Was it really worth telling me? - Not really an excuse, but used on numerous occasions when bags, coats, shoes, smelly socks, make-up, homework, crisp packets and the like have been left in places that are not designated as official storage for such items. When you say you're just telling them so they will learn for the future you will be assured that 100%, cast iron, cross my heart etc they get the message. That's at least until the next time.
Solution Nr 3 - Do it yourself, when they get their own home they may realise.
4. It's not my mess (plate, shoes, coat, dog, garden etc) - Distancing oneself from the ownership of a problem is another popular get out clause. Suggestions that it's for the greater good, or that we all pull our weight in this house will met with a look of distain, and they will advise you that their sibling should do it otherwise they will "never learn" turning your own argument used in excuse Nr 3 perfectly against you.
Solution Nr 4 - You won't win, do it yourself
5. Why does it need doing now? - A back to basics excuse which requires you to justify your reasoning with evidence backed up by primary legislation or at least Wikipedia. For example could you find any published academic studies on why the recycling bin needs emptying the moment it starts overflowing?
Solution Nr 5 - unless you've got backing from a high court judge, the chief of police, Justin Bieber, the Pope or Dalai Lama, just forget it and do it yourself.
6. What have you done today? - The fact that you got up at 5 o'clock, travelled to Inverness, delivered a training event for 300 people, missed lunch, missed your train, fought a man eating tiger, swam through shark infested sewage, solved the 3rd world debt crisis and ran all the way home chased by giant killer rabbits will mean nothing to a teenager. It's not even worth trying to explain.
Solution Nr 6- Do it yourself, anything that doesn't involve 'Love Island' is not important and not worth mentioning.
7. I'm tired - Don't bother responding that you are also tired because tiredness for a teenager is far more severe than anything you have ever experienced. Suggestions that they should go to bed earlier are equally unhelpful as they don't solve the immediate problem.
Solution Nr 7 - If you do it yourself you may learn to appreciate how tired a teenager can become.
8. I've got to go now - Wherever they are going is a life and death circumstance and they just haven't got time. The fact that you originally asked two hours ago is irrelevant, and you should have 'reminded them'. However if you did remind them they will tell you that you shouldn't nag them because they were going to get round to it eventually.
Solution Nr 8 - Not only will you now need to do the chore yourself you will also be a taxi service.
9. I've got homework - Homework is a trump card that can be played at any time. Even if they've been playing games on their phone, browsing Instagram, laughing at kittens on YouTube, or watching repeats of Love Island all evening, their homework somehow always has to be handed in the following day and you will be damaging their education prospects.
Solution Nr 9 - Do it yourself, unless of course you could actually do their homework which is never quite like how you used to remember doing it!
10. My friends never do jobs around the house - no they don't because they also know all the excuses listed in this guide.
Solution Nr 10 - You've probably guessed already!
1. "Let me just finish this game" - The great advantage of this excuse is there is no time period specified, and as an 'out of touch' parent you have no idea how long 'a game' actually goes on for, or how important not finishing 'the game' is. After a reasonable amount of time you may feel tempted to make your request again only to be met with, "I'm nearly finished" or occasionally "Oh, I forgot and started another game, but I won't be long
Solution Nr 1 - Do the chore yourself because you just know it's never going to happen.
2. Why can't .... (insert siblings name) do it? - A popular excuse which requires you to remember all the chores each teenager in the house has undertaken over the last year and compare these on a suitable severity of chore scale. The biggest problem with this excuse is that once you have ascertained that it is in fact the other teenager's turn to do a chore, they will use exactly the same excuse and introduce some other chore or 'favour' that they have done which you'd overlooked in your original severity of chore calculation.
Solution Nr 2 - it's not worth the argument, you might as well do it yourself.
3. Was it really worth telling me? - Not really an excuse, but used on numerous occasions when bags, coats, shoes, smelly socks, make-up, homework, crisp packets and the like have been left in places that are not designated as official storage for such items. When you say you're just telling them so they will learn for the future you will be assured that 100%, cast iron, cross my heart etc they get the message. That's at least until the next time.
Solution Nr 3 - Do it yourself, when they get their own home they may realise.
4. It's not my mess (plate, shoes, coat, dog, garden etc) - Distancing oneself from the ownership of a problem is another popular get out clause. Suggestions that it's for the greater good, or that we all pull our weight in this house will met with a look of distain, and they will advise you that their sibling should do it otherwise they will "never learn" turning your own argument used in excuse Nr 3 perfectly against you.
Solution Nr 4 - You won't win, do it yourself
5. Why does it need doing now? - A back to basics excuse which requires you to justify your reasoning with evidence backed up by primary legislation or at least Wikipedia. For example could you find any published academic studies on why the recycling bin needs emptying the moment it starts overflowing?
Solution Nr 5 - unless you've got backing from a high court judge, the chief of police, Justin Bieber, the Pope or Dalai Lama, just forget it and do it yourself.
6. What have you done today? - The fact that you got up at 5 o'clock, travelled to Inverness, delivered a training event for 300 people, missed lunch, missed your train, fought a man eating tiger, swam through shark infested sewage, solved the 3rd world debt crisis and ran all the way home chased by giant killer rabbits will mean nothing to a teenager. It's not even worth trying to explain.
Solution Nr 6- Do it yourself, anything that doesn't involve 'Love Island' is not important and not worth mentioning.
7. I'm tired - Don't bother responding that you are also tired because tiredness for a teenager is far more severe than anything you have ever experienced. Suggestions that they should go to bed earlier are equally unhelpful as they don't solve the immediate problem.
Solution Nr 7 - If you do it yourself you may learn to appreciate how tired a teenager can become.
8. I've got to go now - Wherever they are going is a life and death circumstance and they just haven't got time. The fact that you originally asked two hours ago is irrelevant, and you should have 'reminded them'. However if you did remind them they will tell you that you shouldn't nag them because they were going to get round to it eventually.
Solution Nr 8 - Not only will you now need to do the chore yourself you will also be a taxi service.
9. I've got homework - Homework is a trump card that can be played at any time. Even if they've been playing games on their phone, browsing Instagram, laughing at kittens on YouTube, or watching repeats of Love Island all evening, their homework somehow always has to be handed in the following day and you will be damaging their education prospects.
Solution Nr 9 - Do it yourself, unless of course you could actually do their homework which is never quite like how you used to remember doing it!
10. My friends never do jobs around the house - no they don't because they also know all the excuses listed in this guide.
Solution Nr 10 - You've probably guessed already!