[theo_luddite]

Our lot can't make their mind up whether they want me in or not.
Er we'd like you to come in, so you can run some more of those important tests so we're good to go when we all get back to normal?
Yes, fine if the West Mids Stasi don't stop me getting onto the M54/M6 and if the suppliers can ship me the stuff I need to run the tests.
Well is it on order?
Well yes but they won't ship it until they know someone will be in to receive it.
Well, we can't let you come in until we know you've received it and also what Boris is going to say next.
Well my guess is "aaaaaccchhhhooooo!!! cough! cough! cough! pass the benylin" seeing as he's expecting and needs the expectorant, or rather his girlfriend is.

Health Secretary, Health Minister, Prime Minister, Jug-lugs all test +ve. NHS yet to test any of their own in serious numbers but the rich and the up-their-own-arse-ious get it on demand - marvellous way to run a country in a crisis. Not.

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Oh and apparently the Chief Medical Officer is also showing symptoms. Throw Charlie-boy jug-lugs into the mix and if that isn't a busted flush I don't know what the hell is.

Do what I say, not what I do. Meanwhile Derbyshire Plod makes it up as they go along and tell people the fresh air of the Peaks isn't open to be breathed in by town and city oiks wanting some exercise and they've to make do with a walk round the supermarket block and join the queues.