05-01-2019, 22:24
I bought my ticket over the internet a few days ago, only to be told by my dearly beloved yesterday that she had ‘made arrangements’ for the day that required my presence for the major part of it. It was vitally important that I be there – she said – to the extent that World War III, 4 of the 10 plagues of Egypt and numerous other meteorological and metaphysical catastrophes would occur if I was not. I protested that I had already bought my ticket, but to no avail.
After some protracted and heated negotiation, we agreed on a compromise. On the basis that I had already bought my ticket and that my presence was not required for the ENTIRE day - I said - I would just go and watch half the game (you can probably guess where this is going, can`t you) and then return home to fulfil my familial duties as befits a devoted and considerate husband of 45 years.
So I only saw the first half.
May I suggest that those of a nervous and sensitive disposition look away now, as I may be unable to refrain from using language that they would find offensive and emotionally disturbing; I`ll try, but I can`t promise.
I duly endured the first half and left the ground feeling thoroughly depressed. Our defence was sliced open time and time again and, yet again, we showed no creativity up front. I did, admittedly, fear the worst when I found out that Kiwomya wasn`t playing and that neither was Denton with Amantchi alongside him, as I hoped would be the case. I`m an optimistic soul, though, so hope had overcome expectation and anyway I`d already bought my ticket (see above). As I drove back home down the M1, however, I was resigned to the fact that after today another relegation was almost certain.
If anything interesting happened in the second half, could somebody please let me know. It would be appreciated if they could do it quickly, as I may well soon be taken into custody and I`m not sure whether I`ll be allowed internet access. I`m considering various pleas in mitigation – temporary insanity is a possibility, but justifiable homicide is probably a better bet – but really don`t know how any of them will play with the jury. If they`re football fans, they`ll understand; if not.........
Aaaaaaargh!!!!!!!
After some protracted and heated negotiation, we agreed on a compromise. On the basis that I had already bought my ticket and that my presence was not required for the ENTIRE day - I said - I would just go and watch half the game (you can probably guess where this is going, can`t you) and then return home to fulfil my familial duties as befits a devoted and considerate husband of 45 years.
So I only saw the first half.
May I suggest that those of a nervous and sensitive disposition look away now, as I may be unable to refrain from using language that they would find offensive and emotionally disturbing; I`ll try, but I can`t promise.
I duly endured the first half and left the ground feeling thoroughly depressed. Our defence was sliced open time and time again and, yet again, we showed no creativity up front. I did, admittedly, fear the worst when I found out that Kiwomya wasn`t playing and that neither was Denton with Amantchi alongside him, as I hoped would be the case. I`m an optimistic soul, though, so hope had overcome expectation and anyway I`d already bought my ticket (see above). As I drove back home down the M1, however, I was resigned to the fact that after today another relegation was almost certain.
If anything interesting happened in the second half, could somebody please let me know. It would be appreciated if they could do it quickly, as I may well soon be taken into custody and I`m not sure whether I`ll be allowed internet access. I`m considering various pleas in mitigation – temporary insanity is a possibility, but justifiable homicide is probably a better bet – but really don`t know how any of them will play with the jury. If they`re football fans, they`ll understand; if not.........
Aaaaaaargh!!!!!!!