[theo_luddite]

Old Father Thames Stadium
Putney to Mortlake Section
Middlesex Station
SW6 6HH

Kick-off 12:30 UK Time
Saturday 19/02/22



Town head down the M1 to that there Larndan, in what might be less than ideal travelling conditions on Friday as Storm Eunice gets her teeth into the South of England's drawers, to Fulham-on-Thames for Saturday's tellybox warm up show to see if we can keep our unbeaten run going and maybe put a stop to Fulham's.

I won't hold my breath. 

Regardless of manager, on both sides, Fulham have had a recent habit of giving us a thumping in this division.
We got a bit closer to them in the Prima Donna league.
That said, the likes of Blackpool and Hull, home and away, haven't been given the run around by any means. 

Town, Blackburn, Brum, Brizzle, Reading (despite winning 1-2 at Fulham) have all been on the wrong end of a 5, 6 or 7 goal mauling and there's nearly a slack handful that have conceded 4. 

It's not all doom and gloom though, as like everyone in this division, despite 78 goals scored so far, and 31 for Mitrovic, which already beats/equals last seasons total of 30 for Ivan Toney at Brentford* (*my original sauce said 30, other sauce flavours on t'interweb say it was also 31) and 30 for Glenn Murray for Crystal Palace in 12/13, they have the odd inconsistent streak in them. Their goal difference is currently more than any other team has scored in this division. Don't let that worry you though, we can only help them improve it if we play like we normally do against them.

There's a big shiny impressive new 8,650 capacity stand going up on the Riverside side of the ground to replace the older far less impressive stand and for once it won't have any pillars obstructing someone's view. Mostly built, it's now having the innards fitted out with bits and bobs that hopefully haven't had Bodgit's Dorris or her mate anywhere near them otherwise the cost will triple overnight. Gold leaf bog rolls anyone? Fulham are applying to get part of the stand open before the season finishes.

The cost is put at £80 million (£100 million by some) and it adds 3900 seats over the old stand  taking the capacity to 29,600.
So that works out at around £1000/seat for a new stand or £2000/seat for the extra capacity.
That's what £80 - £100 million buys you these days.

With a new board walk built out over the river to replace the old footpath they just built the new stand on,
the plan is to make the new facility "a place to go every day and evening for Fulham and Hammersmith residents, not just for football".
Somebody swallowed a whole marketing manual in one go there. 

On the tellybox

Live on Sky in the UK, if you live elsewhere in the world pick your local over-priced provider from this list.
It won't be shown anywhere on iPlayer as a result, though you can listen to the Radio Local "Oggy and his Hairdresser mate" feed if you've paid the iPlayer season/monthly fees.

How to get there if you've bought a ticket

Nearby pubs, pies'n'pees and all that, plus some notes on the new Riverside Stand.

It's all in here

Fulham have announced limited availability for remaining tickets for this match, perhaps not too surprising, even for a televised match, when only 2 and bit stands are available for the home fans.
No pay on the day available for home or away fans.

The square(ish) Lego-like blocks at each end of the new stand apparently will house a hotel and a spa, with an open air pool on the top floor of one of them.
That will be just delightful around this time of year plus the aircraft fumes all year round as, like HRH's residences and assorted castles, past and present, it's under the Heathrow flight path.
I suppose you can always flash your rear end at the passing planes, if that's what turns your crank, and want throwing out for being a berk.

Hint for the beverage lovers - it's a bit of hike down the Thames walkway/footpath to the ground but there's some jolly nice pubs selling jolly nice ale either side of Hammersmith Bridge on the north side of the river, just a short walk from either of the Hammersmith Tube Stations, which are a lot closer to the Thames than the tube maps might otherwise seem to indicate.
The Black Lion, The Old Ship, The Dove, The Blue Anchor and The Blue Boat will do to get you started.
Nearer the stations are The William Morris (a 'spoons) and The Hop Poles amongst others while you wait for the next Tube back to Euston/Kings Cross etc., on the way back.

A walk from the Hammersmith Tube stations to the riverbank can take you passed The Hammersmith Apollo, yes that one, where they film "Live at The Apollo", where all the comedians come out on stage through a great big cloud of CO2. Great for global warming, especially when they get on their environmental bikes. Jack Dee has made most appearances since it started in 2004, (betcha feeling old now) with 14 (which is 3 more than Aarons has made for us so far). The next closest is the bloke on the back of the Megabus, Dara Ó Briain with 7.


Megabus man ......... Dara Ó Briain

I'm told there's a similar range of good pubs on the south side too (including some more 'spoons unfortunately) but its even more of a hike and I've not tried any personally.
If anyone's ever been based on "The Surrey Station" side of the river, if only for an afternoon or evening, maybe they can advise.

Good pubs? Larndan? Whatever next? They even serve it with an 'ead on when they clock your accent - well, some of 'em.

In case you're wondering about that there bridge - https://www.lbhf.gov.uk/transport-and-ro...st-updates - they were due to start fixing it this month.
It could take 5 years to fix (cast iron being very brittle and tbh there's far better and cheaper materials around to build bridges with these days, as long as you don't involve Bodgit, but "it's a bit of 'istory, innit mate?" and they might also stick a £3 toll on it when they do reopen it to traffic to pay for it over the next 200 years.

Latest news

Aussie keeper Nicholas Bilokapic has signed a new deal with Huddersfield Town until 2026. He's currently on loan at Hartlepool.

EFL Championship Clubs have today (17th Feb) approved a number of changes to the division’s Profitability and Sustainability Rules (P&S) that will take effect immediately.
The amendments come following a period of consultation and take into consideration a range of representations from Clubs.

https://www.efl.com/news/2022/february/m...hip-clubs/
https://www.efl.com/news/2022/february/e...l-meeting/

What do you think - will it hold the arses of the over spenders to the fire - or is just more papering over the cracks?

Out Injured/Suspended/Isolating

Pipa is out injured again, still has a groin strain.

Back training but not oven ready/Back in the frame

Levi Colwill is back training and will likely be in the squad

Last time out

Town drew another blank up front with The Chefs/Blunts, though we looked a lot better than during the previous game at Both Ends and we all got back to discussing the refs (lack of) performance again, many of who had mostly been doing a good job since the start of the year.



Fulham dragged a relatively late win from Hull, who also got a point when they went darn to that there Larndan earlier in the season, so there's hope for us yet.



Last weekend's results

Dropping the two points (if that's what you call having a goal chalked of for no good reason) didn't hurt us too much.



Midweek saw all the games pretty much come out in our favour too.



All that Stats Stuff

Fulham haven't been lower that 5th all season, other than opening day when they drew 1-1 with Boro. One defeat in around 19 games has them well clear of the chasing pack. That one defeat was preceded by 4 draws, all smack in the middle of the run from late November up to the last shopping Saturday before Christmas. They then took Christmas and New Year off. After 2 weeks rest they suddenly started winning again. Funny how that works innit guv?



They are top of the form league (again) though a minor slip at home v Blackpool puts Boro (ooh, them again) just above them on home form, our away form isn't too far behind them though.






Results v the Top 8

Town's results aren't quite as good a Fulham's (well, what a surprise) and our home and away records could do really with a boost against this group. We've only got Boro to play away in the top 8 after this one, with Bornmuff and QPR still to come to ours. I doubt WBA will be 9th for long however, so one of us is going to drop out of this picture and it's highly unlikely to be Fulham (or us if we can keep this run going). We've a good run of games against mid and lower 3rd teams before we worry too much about games against them currently in and around us.



Musical Interlude

A few amongst many from this part of the world include electro pop star Gary Numan and Lily Allen.
Not to everyone's taste perhaps but I tells it as I sees it.




Apologies to the easily offended, you didn't have to listen. 
But you might have got it if you did.





Have I Got News for You star, Paul Merton was born just off the tracks of nearby Parsons Green



Innies and Outies



The January Sales had these lads in the shopping baskets



Who's banging 'em in

I'll give you one guess. He cost Fulham £22m in 2018 from Newcastle.
Allegedly earning, or rather being paid, it might not always be the same thing, £100,000 per week in the Chumpionship, so he never had a relegation clause in his contract then.



Whilst he scores for fun in this division, when it comes to playing the big boys it's a different matter (don't we just know it?).
He's a way to go to catch all time club leading scorer Gordon Davies (178) and club legend Johnny Haynes, (158).




That said, he only started about half of the games last season.
You'll have to ask "Boiler Repair Man" - aka,  Scott Parker, now at Bornmuff, why that was.



I was half expecting him to turn up at West Brom instead of Brucie with that jacket .... 



I wonder if either of them are Gas Safe Registered? I'm due a service on mine. 

The record for goals in a season in the 2nd tier (under whatever guise) is held by Guy Whittingham. At Portsmouth, he is revered for his extraordinary goal scoring form during the 1992-93 season, where he hit 42 league goals in 46 games, and 47 goals in all competitions. That total broke a club record that had stood for 66 years, previously held by Billy Haines (40 goals).
No second-division player of any club has surpassed Whittingham’s total in the league since.

Guy Whittingham's take on it

They can't all win

Apart from us, Bornmuff play Forest on Friday night in the only other Top 8 clash, subject to Storm Eunice's permission.



We've played 'em before

It hasn't worked out well for us v them for the most part recently, and we're well behind overall.
A few sheets of 8'x4' 3/4" ply nailed to the crossbar might not go amiss.
That and winding Mitrovic up a bit - he's got a bit of a short fuse - and stopping the supply to him, which is easier said than done.



Next up?

Home to Cardiff on Wednesday when season ticket holders pay twice the price of everyone else (again).

Pressers

The Esperanto version on Radio Local

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0bpwgzb

The Unexamined's loose translation

https://www.examinerlive.co.uk/sport/foo...e-23131196

Jon Russell on Radio Local

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0bpwfly

The view across The Thames from the back of the Riverside Stand

The Silva tongued one - January's Manager of the Month

Seems a bit shy at the moment - if he ever sticks his head out from under his jacket I'll post it here.

Well he turned up eventually, obviously didn't want the wind spoiling his haircut.

https://www.fulhamfc.com/news/2022/febru...onference/

Liverpool loanee Neco Williams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRmdK2A0_FM

... aaaand fiiiinnalleeey,



a story I stumbled on while looking for the Fulham pressers.

https://www.walesonline.co.uk/sport/foot...n-23107349

Not all footballers are self-centred divas.

Kwik Kwiz - just coz I know you like one. (Especially Snoots).

Not all the answers are in the guff above, some might be in the links or the questions, some aren't in any of them.
Try to leave Wiki and Google alone - for a couple of days anyway. Mostly not that hard to get.

1. What year did Fulham eventually move into (not purchase) Craven Cottage and start to play there, having roamed around a large number of assorted playing fields in the neighbourhood prior to this?
2. Why did Megabus have to drop the £1 advert (above) on the back of their buses?
3. Who was born in Fulham, played for Fulham, managed Fulham for 4 years, had legs that couldn't stop a sheep or a pig down a ginnel and is generally rated as our worst manager ever (give or take, even though he probably wasn't sober most of the time)?
4. What have Fulham had to buy in order to build their new Riverside stand? (Hint, it's not steel, concrete, plastic seats, roofing materials, new flood lights or gold leaf bog rolls).
5. Who is Fulham's all time leading goal scorer?
6. What is unusual about the Craven Cottage team dugouts?
7. Who's statue is outside the ground?
8. (a) Who's statue used to be outside the ground?
Hint - the 7' plus erection was installed (what?) after the club owner at the time had invited him to watch a Fulham v Wigan match (such a joy  ) and he subsequently passed away in, er "unusual" circumstances? Watching the Wigan match and his demise have not as yet, been linked  - did the FBI miss something totally bleedin' obvious guv?
8. (b) What did the former owner (of both club and statue) blame on it's removal?
9. Where was it situated from 2014 to 2019? Does anyone really care where it is now?
10. Fulham have scored 7 twice (so far) on their travels this season. Since joining the Football League, their biggest ever win is 10:1 v Ipswich Town (home, old 1st Division, 1963), their heaviest defeat is 10:0 at Liverpool (League Cup, 1986). Fulham beat The Shaymen 0-8 in Division 3 in 1969, their biggest ever away win, with a team captained by some far from statuesque young sprite called Johnny Haynes and shortly after the Shaymen had sold star defender Chris Nichol to Luton. (I might have been stood on the Speedway track for that one, or was it Stoke in the Cup, or was it both? I was still at junior school at the time, honest guv, and Town were rampaging up the 2nd Division at the time, so how would I remember?). I (or you) may have mentioned this before in another Fulham thread.



So the real question iiiiis .....
Who is the only other team Fulham have scored 8 against away from home? (Clue - not in the same season, nor even close to it).

[theo_luddite]

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The O2 arena has a new "alfresco" section

[theo_luddite]

Bornmuff v Forest is off, as is Sarfend v Grimsby. It might be grim up nooerth but Rotherham v Wigan is still on.

So we've had two "storms" and apart from one light puff of wind that blew a rotten fence panel out on Wednesday and a bit of wind and rain today (couple of hours tops), we had more that woke me up during the night. I'd say a pair of damp squibs compared to the country wide double Armageddons, pestilence and Ark requiring storms that had been forecast. It's been rough on the Atlantic/Irish Sea coast and the poor old Home Counties finally got some shit weather. The old tent roof on the O2 has had a bit of a battering I'll give you that, but these over egged forecasts that bring the rail network to a standstill are getting as bad as the Government forecasts of post Brexit sunny uplands. Did anyone get the "Thunder Snow" storms forecast in November - no us neither. Just normal winter weather. A few trees blew down, some roofs blew off - it happens every bloody year. It's called winter.

[Lord Snooty]

Very good, theo. And highly amusing. Had a good chuckle this aft, trying to read that and keep an eye on the Curling and another eye on my bookbinding machine.

I shall have a go at the quiz later. Haven't listened to the musical interlude yet though.

We got the Citizen Smith DVD at Christmas. Don't know what old Wolfie would think about his beloved Fulham spending all that money on gold leaf bog roll.

POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!

[theo_luddite]

I doubt he'd have appreciated gold leaf stuck on his ring, or his backside for that matter, and there's me thinking I'd written a serious thread for once.

[jjamez]

Didn't their old crack pot of an owner put a Michael Jackson statue up?

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As for the dugouts, it's got to either they're on the wrong side of the pitch or they don't have them at all surely

[theo_luddite]

➡️ Harry Toffolo, Duane Holmes, and Ollie Turton

⬅️ Josh Ruffels, Josh Koroma, and Pipa (groin)





House full signs have gone up

[jjamez]

I think I may personally have gone 3-5-2 today. It's going to be attack v defence regardless

[theo_luddite]

Sun's over t'yard arm, time to crack one open. Pee'd it down all morning and now the sun is shining in sunny Wulver-rampton.

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Town keeping the home fans quiet, many of whom appear to have turned up dressed as empty seats. House full?????

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That's likely gonna bite me on the backside.

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Danny, Danny Ward

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Chuff me we scored a penalty. AmChaff in the money seats.

[Lord Snooty]

Well that was a perfect first half. probably the best since Crystal Palace. Or Man Utd. Or Marco Silva's Watford.

Guys in the studio saying it's not a penalty. What? If it's not a foul by the keeper,which they're saying, it's a foul by the defender who pushes Thomas into the keeper.

Penalty! Stonewall penalty! Get in the net. 2-0 Town.

COME ON!!!!!!!!