Blackburn (Venky's Chickens) Rovers v Huddersfield (how much of the club does Deano actually own before he sells?) Town
Ewood Park
A666 - The Road of the Beast
Greater Darwen
East Lancastria
Kick-off 15:00 UK Time
Saturday 05/11/22

Remember, remember,
The 5th of November,
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.

In 1605 a bunch of Brummie Catholics, led by Robert Catesby plotted to blow up Parliament and the Protestant King James I. The plan was to blow up the House of Lords during the State Opening of Parliament on 5 November 1605 as the prelude to a popular revolt in the Midlands during which King James's nine-year-old daughter, Elizabeth, was to be installed as the Catholic head of state.

The guy (ha ha) chosen to light the blue touch paper with a big long match and walk quietly away was Guy Fawkes, however he was discovered in a den in the bowels of Parliament, two weeks in a row, keeping an eye on 36 barrels of gunpowder, the plot was foiled and we've had a Protestant Monarch ever since.

The authorities did at least catch this bunch of Birmingham bombers before they did the dastardly deed and prosecute them correctly (at the risk of being accused of maybe being called controversial and insensitive).

On the tellybox

Not showing anywhere at the moment other than iPlayer if you've got one of them foreign accounts or on foreign interweb sites if you've got one of them VPN accounts, 'appen.

Pies, pees and pints

Ewood Park is a 3/4's fairly new build (90's like ours) and a set of seats on a half open to the fresh Blackburn air terrace (how continental, do they serve tapas?) on the 4th side. When I say new build, they were surely using kids for the leg measurements between rows of seats as no adults can sit comfortably in the stands, so inadvertently they became the first former Prima Donna League Club to reintroduce safeish standing to the former terraces that are now fitted with seats that you can fall over instead of crush barriers that you could previously get smushed against. Everyone stands up because it's bloody impossible to sit down.

Otherwise learn everything you need to know here

By the way, the few trains that are running on Saturday are going to be knocked on the head by about 4 to 5 pm. If you can get there, take a tent or book a room in a refugee hotel as you won't get home until Sunday and afterwards you can donate the tent to some of the the poor buggers still stranded in Kent. Send them your airbeds too so they don't have to sleep on the ground.

There's plenty of roundabouts between Ewood and the town centre you can camp on for free before they'll get a court order to move you on. There's also less likelihood of getting hassle if you camp up near Darwen Station, as long as you don't take a dump in the gutters. You don't want to block the flow of used cooking oil getting into the drains and blocking them up first now do you?

Latest news

Due to the latest bird-flu outbreak guidelines from DeFra, or whatever they call themselves this week, the Blackburn Chickens have to be housed undercover until further notice. Blackburn will therefore play 5-a-side in the local Sports Centre, thus giving Town the whole pitch to themselves and the freedom to launch yet more shots over the crossbar without the fear of a goalie or a defender blocking their efforts.

The match will be decided later on the basis of which side can drink most beers in the Sports Centre bar after 5pm before someone throws up. Result should make the 10 O'Clock news sports round up or at least the ITV replays on Sunday morning.

Now we've cleared that up, 2nd in the table Blackburn host rooted to the bottom Town in a Roses clash that is often tight, when we get a draw (frequently) or isn't when we get a battering (not quite as frequently).

Hmm, let's take a closer look at that. Chicken, deep fried in a spicy batter, could that ever become a thing?



Nah, it will never work, just braise it in white wine with some garlic and a few herbs, serve with veg and a load of bread like the froggies have done for years and have it in a car park.

I think I'd call it Coq In A Van.

Perfect match day food, especially for former Health Ministers of the eastern counties full of poultry.
He's now moved on to giving kangaroos blow jobs, frying their gonads and sautéing ostrich ass, allegedly.

Will that now be known as Coq in an Aussie Van?

Let's move on before we get too much information on that.

For those of a nervous disposition, don't read this next bit.

Out Injured/Suspended/Isolating

Oh this could go on for a while, where do I start?

Yuta Mt. Fujiyama got injured and carried off on Wednesday night against Blunderland. It turns out he's done a real owie to his achilles and will be out all season after surgery. So that not only dashes his hopes of building some really big pyramid shaped sandcastles down by the Qatar sea shore, it also means he won't play for us again and score some more "goals of the month" all season. Sob.

Lees caught Covid - join the club, there's a lot of it about - and if he was in the same pubs as me on Saturday, that's where I've copped from it too, (ya big jessie). He might be able to play wearing a mask and isolating himself from everyone else on the pitch on Saturday under the current hard to understand Government guidelines that basically say you can do anything you want until you can't. No change there then. I've bought a case of wine and I'm off to Downing Street for clarification, or a party, whichever breaks out first.

By the way my brother and a work colleague have had the same symptoms as me and are using different test kits to me (the same as each other) but both testing negative. I now feel fine, they still feel like shit. I'm still testing +ve, they are still testing -ve. Who was in charge of QC in all this? The kangaroo bollocks and ostrich arse eater eater apparently.

Rolando Aarons has returned to the Terriers from Motherwell after picking up a hamstring injury back in September, meaning we've now got to pay this waste of space a wage, yet again. There surely has to be an aisle in Asda or Sainsbugs where he could keep the shelves stacked without injuring himself, as long as they don't let him play Sunday morning football.

Town have brought Kian Harratt back from his loan at Bradford City and will be disciplined following the outcome of an ongoing club investigation after last week being fined in court for poaching offences. He was caught hare coursing in East Yorkshire. He was on loan at Port Vale at the time he was caught. There's another discussion on this going on on the Not the Town o'Clock News thread.

Back training but not oven ready/Back in the frame

Ben Jackson was also carried off late in the game on Wednesday but is training OK.
Sorba the Taff is back from his one match suspension and running his bollocks off with the stiffs in training, he might have had an easier session with the big boys on Friday.

It's time to swallow your own cock mate and let some lads get off your imposed naughty step, unless you want a pressure job doing scaffolding for £400 a week.

Last time out

Alex Pritchard's first goal for Blunderland since February put the skids under Town which became a 0-2 defeat when we threw everyone but Lee Nicolls into the Blunderland half to try and get an equaliser at the death. With the number of shots we bang over the crossbar, maybe we should join the Gaelic Football League where you get points for getting it over the bar. Per the Blundeland thread, we'd be top of ours if we got points for it in our division.



After 5 wins on the bounce. Rovers went to Coventry, hardly the most difficult place to win this season and they did us no favours what-so-ever and lost. They also contrived to get a player sent off, who will be available to play against us as it was rescinded. Talk about getting kicked in the bollocks twice in a game you weren't even involved in.



Every game last weekend went in our favour, every game on Tuesday and Wednesday didn't. Hmph said Pooh, it didn't help me in Snooty's Prediction League either.



Music

Tenuous links to Bollackburn in some cases



I likely threw this in last season, haven't checked, but Johnny Plee liked it





The Sack Race

Not much action this week - been quite a while since my last post but, nah lets move on, we won't be bringing Gerrard in this side of Christmas anyway,

Tables, Form etc.

Town are still the strongest club in the division whilst Blackburn are a mere 18 points above us.





 

 

Innies and Outies



Who's banging 'em in

The one surprise here is that he's still here



They can't all lose

Take your pick from this lot



We've played 'em before

We don't lose at Ewood Park mutch, but we tend to get battered when we do - see above for battered chickens



Next up?

QPR away in the rearranged match and then Swansea at home before we lick our wounds for a month.

Pressers

Fotheringham's 30 minute Follies



Brodie Spencer - Radio Local

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0dcwct2

The views from Darwen Tower

https://www.lancs.live/sport/football/football-news/blackburn-rovers-promotion-expectations-tomasson-25436743

https://www.lancs.live/sport/football/football-news/blackburn-rovers-injury-boost-huddersfield-25435914