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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 12-10-2015
A ventriloquist visiting Wales walks into a small village and sees a local man sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Welshman - 'Hiya, mind if I talk to your dog?'
Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid English twit.'
Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'
Dog: 'Yeah, doing all right.'
Welshman: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: 'Is this man your owner?' (pointing at the villager)
Dog: 'Yep.'
Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'
Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.'
Welshman: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'
Welshman: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either... I think.'
Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'
Horse: 'Cool.'
Welshman: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)
Horse: 'Yep.
Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'
Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the weather.'
Welshman: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'
Welshman: (in a panic) 'The sheep's a bloody liar......!!......!!
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 13-10-2015
FACT.
A womans breast`s are never the same shape or size.
Another FACT.
Once your face is buried in them ....... Who cares??
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 15-10-2015
Started my new job as a bus driver today...... But it didn`t go too well.
This stunning blonde with big firm tits got on and said "Are you going to Oldham?"
She didn`t have to ask me twice.!
Oh Well..... Back to the job centre tomorrow!!
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 16-10-2015
I don`t get why middle aged women are rude to me..........
It`s like, Damn, it`s not my fault you have a dried up V***** and wrinkly knees.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 16-10-2015
Saw a sign that made me Pi$$ myself today........
Toilets closed. DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 16-10-2015
Jack goes to his friend Mike and says "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him back in church for an hour after service for me?"
Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees.
After the service, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."
The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says "You’d better hurry home right now. My wife died a year ago."
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 16-10-2015
An Englishman walks into a bar.......
There`s usually a Scotsman, A welsh man and an Irish man... But they are all still at the Rugby World Cup.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 16-10-2015
(06-10-2015, 01:08)Dingle-Dingle Wrote: So........... You DON`T Buy any car then.
DD
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 18-10-2015
A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded; so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.
After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us." Silence fell over the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers." The entire congregation said, "Amen."
GOTTA LOVE THOSE SENIOR CITIZENS !
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 18-10-2015
I was out on a date with a girl when I asked her " Do you spit or swallow"?
She slapped my face and stormed off.......
I`m never taking anyone wine tasting again.
DD
