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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 17-09-2015
A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there was a gorgeous blond eating at the next table. He had been checking her out all night, but lacked the nerve to go talk to her.
Suddenly she sneezed and her glass eye went flying out of her socket towards the man. With his quick reflexes, he caught it in mid-air.
"Oh my god, I am sooooo sorry," the woman said as she popped her eye back in the socket. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invited him back to her place for a drink.
They went back to her house, and after a bit she brought him into the bedroom and began undressing him. The couple had wild, passionate sex many times during the night.
The next morning when he awoke, she had already gotten up and brought him breakfast in bed.
The guy was amazed. "You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No, she replied....You just happened to catch my eye!"
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 17-09-2015
What`s the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo.
One`s very heavy.
The other is a little lighter.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 18-09-2015
As the Mother-in-law tucked into dinner at our place, she noticed the dog at her feet wagging his tail.
"Oh Bless is he pleased to see me"? She giggled.
"No love" I said "Don`t mind him..... it`s just that your`e eating off his plate".
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 18-09-2015
I went on a blind date once.......
It didn`t start out that way, but she bought pepper spray.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 18-09-2015
At the retreat, Jane and Joe were told to individually write a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.'
Jane wrote: 'When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other very much, just like Joe and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act of physical sex with one another.'
And Joe wrote: 'I love sex.'
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 19-09-2015
An elderly couple after long dating period decided to get married.
For pre-wedding settlement on finances, cost contribution, memories of prior spouses etc. they went to candle light dinner in a fine restaurant.
Topic now was on their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' old dirty man had to ask.
'Well,' she said, responding thoughtfully not to turn away the opportunity, 'I'd have to say - I would like it infrequently.'
The puzzled old man looked her in the eye and asked "I'd have to ask - Is that 'in-frequently' one word or two?'
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Bournemouth Baggie - 19-09-2015
Scarves with the blue of Chelsea and red and white of Arsenal. Just what the hell is that all about it
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 20-09-2015
Beefy walks into the Antiques Roadshow and puts a big box on the table.
"Where did you find this"? Asks the expert.
"Oh it`s been in the attic for years" Says Beefy.
"Have you got insurance"? says the expert.
"Why do you ask"? Says Beefy.
"Because your`e going to need it........... That`s your cold water tank" says the expert.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 20-09-2015
If walking was good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A Whale swims all day, eats only plankton, only drinks water and is fat.
A Rabbit only eats vegetables, runs and hops all day, and only lives 5 years.
A Tortoise doesn`t run, and does nothing energetic, yet lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to excersize......... I don`t think so.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 20-09-2015
Me- "That dress is too tight for you.... It`s skin tight"
G/F- "It`s tighter than my skin"
Me- "How could anything be tighter than your skin??"
G/F- "I can sit down in my skin.... But not in this dress"
DD