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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 24-07-2015
We were at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
The G/F was unhappy with the women's type she had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, she was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help her.
Without thinking, She looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 24-07-2015
A mouse was setting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful female giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar.
The mouse looked over at her and ordered her a drink. Soon he had moved down beside her and ordered her another drink.
After a third round, the bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together.
The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the barstool and sat there gasping for air.
His whiskers were bent and broken, tail was crooked and patches of hair were falling out.
The bartender took one look and said, "How did it go last night?"
The mouse said, "Man, that was the best sex I ever had."
The bartender asked, "Why do you look so bad?"
The mouse replied, "Hey between the kissing and the screwing I must have run 10 miles!
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 24-07-2015
A new study into the scale of sexual harassment in the British Army has found that nearly four out of 10 women had received unwanted comments or been exposed to material of a sexual nature in the past year. The other 6 out of 10 are demanding an explanation from the M.O.D as to why they were left out. DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 24-07-2015
A man and woman are having marriage problems, and decide to end their union after a very short time together.
After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple go to court to finalize their break-up.
The judge asks the husband, "What has brought you to the point that you are now at, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?"
The husband says, "In the six weeks we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing."
The wife says, "Seven weeks.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 25-07-2015
I told a girl to TEXT me when she got home.
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She must be Homeless.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 25-07-2015
I was going to give my change to a homeless bloke today but his sign said,
"One day it could be you".
So I held on to it just in case he`s right.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 26-07-2015
I saw a sexy girl sitting in the pub last night.I walked over and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice how attractive you were. How do you fancy letting me buy you a drink?"
"Errrr...Hello!" said her boyfriend, sitting on the seat opposite, "Am I invisible?"
"xxxx off dude" I said, "You can buy your own."
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 26-07-2015
A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends.
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to do?"
You'll love the answer...
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The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box....
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Salopbaggie - 26-07-2015
Laugh of the day and its REAL - Mourinho is accusing teams of trying to buy the Premiership.
http://www.skysports.com/football/news/11668/9925147/jose-mourinho-says-chelseas-rivals-are-trying-to-buy-the-title
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 26-07-2015
While my girlfriend was showering I took a sneaky look at her Internet browsing history.
I was shocked to see her last search was, 'how to enjoy sex with a boring guy with a small penis.'
The next thought that crossed my mind was, she must be cheating on me...
I xxxx hope she's cheating on me.
DD