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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 02-04-2023
Was in the pub with the G/F last night when her mate came over and sat with us. The G/F whispered in my ear, "Do you think my friend is hot"?
Thinking thats a trick question I replied "She`s not really my type, Babe".
The G/F then said "Sorry Sarah, looks like we won`t be having a threesome"
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 02-04-2023
My Doctor told me Smoking will kill you, and Bacon will kill you.
I told him smoking Bacon cures it.
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 04-04-2023
Stormy Daniels said they had an affair.
Donald Trump said they didn`t.
Who are you going to believe?
The fake blonde with the big tits, or Stormy Daniels?
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 05-04-2023
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R!
We missed the R!
We missed the R!"
and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old Abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
Abbot replies,
"The word was ....
CELEBRATE!"
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 05-04-2023
An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a smalltwin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower land line rang and
was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot, who lost communication, was on a cellular phone and yelled "Mayday, mayday! The pilot has had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket. He had told me before we took off that he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday,mayday!"
The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately.
"Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!"
He began his series of questions:
Tower:
"How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet??"
Aircraft:
"I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the Altimeter dial in front of me."
Tower:
"Okay, that’s good, remain calm. How do you know you’re traveling at 180 mph?"
Aircraft:
"I can see that it reads 180 mph on the Airspeed dial in front of me."
Tower:
Okay, this is great so far, but it’s heavily overcast, so how do you know you're flying upside down?"
Aircraft”
“The shit in my pants is running out of my shirt collar.”
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 10-04-2023
Fun Fact: Life is easier in 2023 for a boy named Sue than it was in 1969.
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 14-04-2023
Four great truth`s about Religion....
1, Muslims do not recognize Jews as God`s chosen people.
2, Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3, Protestants do not recognize the Pope as leader of he Christian world.
4. Born-Again Christians do not recognize each other at strip clubs.
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 25-04-2023
What does the Eiffel tower have in common with fleas?
They are both Paris sites.
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 28-04-2023
Police have confirmed that an ex Premiership footballer, and a current one have had their houses burgled on the same night.
Ryan Giggs lost 2 Champions League medals, 13 Premiership, 4 FA Cup and 4 League Cup medals.
Harry Kane lost a kettle and a toaster.
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 02-05-2023
Beware of strangers bearing gifts.....
A genie offered me one wish, so I said I just want to be happy.
Here I am living with 6 other dwarves and working in a mine.
DD#No1
