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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 28-06-2022
Dianne Abbott joined striking railway workers on their picket line on Saturday.
She apologised for being over an hour late by saying "I would have been here earlier but my train didn`t turn up".
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Salopbaggie - 29-06-2022
The Geography of a Woman as she ages:
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa .
Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe.
Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain.
Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece.
Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain.
With a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel.
Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada.
Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet.
Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 100, a man is like North Korea and Russia.
Ruled by a pair of nuts!
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Salopbaggie - 04-07-2022
A woman works into a chemist and askes to see John the pharmacist. John comes over and the lady askes in hushed tones,
"Tell me does this Viagra work"?
"Yes" replies John
"Can you get it over the counter"? the woman askes.
"Only if I take two" John replies.
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 04-07-2022
I just found out that Dickens ‘A Tale of Two Cities’ was originally serialised in two local newspapers.
It was the Bicester Times, it was The Worcester Times..
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 14-07-2022
I`m so glad it`s not snowing.
Imagine shovelling snow in this heat.
DD #No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Salopbaggie - 22-07-2022
Thought for the week:
English is the only language where you drive on parkways and park in driveways.
It is also the only language where you recite in a play and play in a recital.
The word Queue is just a Q followed by 4 silent letters.
Jail and prison are synonyms, but jailer and prisoner are antonyms
When you transport something by car is can be called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it is called cargo
Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don't have toetips. Yet you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 23-07-2022
A young Sapper is on the gate at Buckingham palace.
The RSM walks up to him and says, "Right lad, the Queen is out on public duties, I want to know the minute she gets back here, do you understand? The minute she's back you let me know".
"Yes sir " says the young Sapper .
So 10 minutes later a big limo pulls in through the gates, the young Sapper stops the car, pops his head in and says,
" s'cuse me ma'am are you the Queen? "
"No I'm princess Anne"
"ok, sorry to delay you, proceed".
The next limo pulls in and he sticks his head in the window " scuse me ma'am are you the Queen? "
"No I'm princess Kathleen".
" Ok, sorry to delay you ma'am, proceed."
Next limo pulls in and same again, he sticks his head in the window, "S'cuse me ma'am, are you the Queen?."
"Yes I'm the Queen".
"Right" he says. "Well better make yourself xxxx scarce love cos the RSM is looking for you!".
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 23-07-2022
My Doctor said if I had a vasectomy I wouldn`t have any kids.
So I had the op, got home and they are still here.
DD#No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 24-07-2022
The next James Bond movie is ready to start Production. It has been heavily inflonced by the Woke brigade.
Bond starts out as a man and transgenders into a woman.
The film will be called Cocktopussy.
DD #No1
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 28-07-2022
Apparently a homeless man has taught his dog to play the trumpet on the London underground. He went from Barking to Tooting in less than an hour.
DD #No1
