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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 02-03-2015
A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.
The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.
The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.
When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves.
As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.
After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder, "Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"
Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below.
Then, she notices Beefy standing amongst the crowd.
Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she yells at Beefy, "Is it raisin for you too?"
"No," he stammers, "But it's quivering' a little."
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 03-03-2015
Sad news today at the Nestle chocolate factory when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate bars toppled over and crushed him underneath.
He tried in vain to attract attention but everytime he shouted "The Milky Bars are on me" everyone fcukin cheered. DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 04-03-2015
A Vicar goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first
Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.
The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following
Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and
they asked him what happened.
The Vicar explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't
talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much
to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his
wife's' teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Salopbaggie - 05-03-2015
Dingle we seriously have to think about giving you your own thread just for this. You have kept us amused for a while now and thank you for it.
Keep it up chap.
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 05-03-2015
(05-03-2015, 01:16)Salopbaggie Wrote: Dingle we seriously have to think about giving you your own thread just for this. You have kept us amused for a while now and thank you for it.
Already got one. Your`e reading it............... DD
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."
"Mrs. Dingle, please."
"Speaking."
"Mrs. Dingle, this is Doctor Harris at the Royal County Hospital. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Dingle arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Dingle asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband's."
"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Dingle.
"Normally we can, but the NHS will only pay for these expensive tests one time."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at the office recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 05-03-2015
I got home from work and the G/F said - I'm very sorry dear, but the cat's eaten your dinner'.
I said 'Don`t worry - I'll get you a new cat'. DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 05-03-2015
I was cleaning out the attic the other day with the G/F.
Filthy, dirty and covered with cobwebs....
but she's good with the kids... DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 05-03-2015
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 05-03-2015
My G/F had a go at me last night. She said 'You'll drive me to my grave'.
I had the car out in thirty seconds. DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - talkSAFT - 05-03-2015
HaHa. You should sell that one to Tim Vine, DD