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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 24-12-2014
A Liverpool fan goes to the doctors saying every time I masturbate I sing you'll never walk alone.
The doctor says don't worry it's quite common a lot of wankers sing you'll never walk alone.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 24-12-2014
I came home from work early one night to find my G/F and my best mate, sweaty and breathless in the living room. I said, "What's going on?"
My G/F said, "Erm... We've been playing on the Wii Fit." She winked at my mate and said, "Dave did VERY well."
As I walked out of the room, I heard them giggling and calling me a "dickhead", but I had the last laugh. I checked the next day, and none of his scores had even registered!
DD Merry Christmas.
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 24-12-2014
Went to a Chinese Restuarant last week for a chicken Curry. Was awful so I called the waiter.
I said, "Waiter, this chicken, it tastes rubbery."
He said, "Oh flank u welly mush cir!"
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 25-12-2014
With Christmas close upon us, I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.
As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends.
Well, two days ago, this happened to me. I was out for an evening with friends and had more than several Gins followed by a couple of bottles of rather nice red wine. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was well over the limit.
That's when I did something I've never done before - I took a taxi home.
Sure enough on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
So, anyway, if you want to borrow it give me a call.
Merry Christmas and be safe out there…
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 25-12-2014
We've just played the Christmas edition of Cluedo.
My G/F murdered Christmas dinner, in the kitchen, with the oven.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - talkSAFT - 26-12-2014
(25-12-2014, 13:07)Dingle-Dingle Wrote: We've just played the Christmas edition of Cluedo.
My G/F murdered Christmas dinner, in the kitchen, with the oven.
DD
Some quite reasonable causes of mirth there, Mr.Dingle. They very often pull me out of depression in the mornings, so please continue the good work next year and beyond.
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 26-12-2014
Just watched the Bishop of Wolverhampton's Christmas sermon.
"As you sit in your big warm houses, with your partner and surrounded by all the kids, expensive presents by the tree, tucking into turkey dinners and crates of alcohol, watching blockbuster films on Sky whilst you get ready to go to the pub to drink the night away, think of those less fortunate than yourselves, who will not be able to enjoy Christmas this year"
"Those not on benefits".
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 26-12-2014
NOT FOR YOUR EYES AMELIA.
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Look what the G/F has lined up for supper tonight.
Click the pic. DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 28-12-2014
A large Dingle woman was walking past a pet shop when a parrot said, ''Hey, lady! You're xxxx ugly!" The woman was furious but stomped on her way.
On the way home, she passed the same pet shop again and the parrot again said, "Hey, lady! You're xxxx ugly!" She was incredibly annoyed now, so she stomped into the shop and said that she would sue them and have the bird put down. The store manager apologised profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot did not say it again.
The next day, she deliberately passed the shop, to test the parrot. "Hey, lady!" it said.
"Yes?" She said......
"You xxxx know."................. DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 29-12-2014
Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?
MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnecologist
And When they have REAL trouble, it's a HISterectomy..
So women .... Don't you's xxxx forget who the REAL boss is!....
Anyway... Gotta go now...
The G/F`s coming, and not in the 'good way'!!! DD