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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 02-03-2018
Women drivers! I was behind one on my way home from work and she indicated to turn left and what does she go and do? She actually turns left! How am I supposed to prepare myself with these effing mind games?!
NOT quite sure if you’re an “adult” yet? If the same friends who used to pressure you as a teen to drink and do drugs now pressure you to eat quinoa, chia seeds and do cross-fit, you’re an adult.
Kids complaining about carrying a heavy bag/backpack to school? Get them to use a doll's pram to take the weight off.
I looked up an old girlfriend the other day. One of the perks of being a gynecologist.
Don't run with bagpipes, you could put an aye out. Or worse, you could get kilt.
Some young kids wanting to debate gun control on Facebook, I’m not going to debate gun control with a bunch of fuckwits who eat washing machine soap and don't know which xxxx toilet they identify with.
Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.
Star trekies. Feel like you're at the helm of the SS enterprise. By driving fast at night when it's snowing...
Put Rice Krispies in your wellies for that authentic sound of walking on snow all year round.
What the xxxx were Electric Eels called before electricity was discovered?
When you are 60, the reasons for wanting to pull your trousers down quickly are completely different than they are when you are 20.
The past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared.
During the winter storms be a good neighbour and go and get next doors prescription.....she’s on some seriously good shit and you will trip your tits off.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - St Charles Owl - 02-03-2018
(02-03-2018, 12:25)talkSAFT Wrote: ps St.Charles: "humor" is spelt "humour" in the country of its origin!
Tell that to my ipad and its predictive text function!!! Gave up many years ago trying to correct it on this forum!!
(02-03-2018, 14:53)4evaabaggie Wrote: Talksaft, technically SCO is correct, the yanks don't understand our HUMOUR so their HUMOR requires canned laughter to show you when to laugh.
With America producing most of the film, tv, computer software and popular entertainment they seem to favour themselves, their lazy spelling of English gets accepted as the norm, their interpretation of history, like the vile, becomes twisted. America defeated the Roman empire, America defeated King Harold at battle in 1066, America did everything in WW1 and WW2, we were not even there ...... but that's changing the subject.
Problem is its not really lazy spelling, its how they have done it since the 1800's so its been around for a while!! Remember they don't follow the Oxford English Dictionary, they use Webster's Dictionary. He created his dictionary and was a proponent of simplifying the English language and in some cases take it back to how it used to be. The words color and center for example were used back in Shakespeare's days, so its not all the Yanks fault. But for quite a bit of the population over here simplifying something is a distinct benefit!!!
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 03-03-2018
Ah, I was just remembering being at school - smoking with the 5th year lads behind the bike sheds, trying to cop off with all the girls, throwing stink bombs in through the staff room window.....
The headmaster said I was the worst caretaker they'd ever had!!..
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 05-03-2018
During this cold spell,bedroom golf seems to be popular,here are the rules for beginners......
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check and ensure shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied, and then play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other golf course they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a player’s equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring along a rain coat, just in case...
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 08-03-2018
Apparently it's 'International Women's Day' today.
Well I hope they get the housework done in my house before they go out celebrating!
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 08-03-2018
Justice has been served!
There's been some thug called Carl going around breaking into people's houses near me for months, but the police couldn't catch him. The weirdest thing about it all is he was breaking into people's houses just to ruin their washing machines by putting bricks into them & turning them on!!!!! Really weird if you ask me... Anyway, just read that he was found dead in an alley coz of a drug overdose. It's never nice hearing of someone's death, but on the bright side, washing machines live longer with Carl gone
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 09-03-2018
InterNational Woman’s Day today, I’ve noticed it’s not very well publicised. Anyone know how I can contact the man in charge to discuss this matter with ? DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 11-03-2018
West Ham board today announced that they will punish the fans who invaded the pitch yesterday by renewing their season tickets for next year. DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 12-03-2018
Ken Dodd only got married last friday......
Is married life really that bad??
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 12-03-2018
Breaking news.
Sky Sports announce Jamie Carragher to host new series of Spitting Image.
DD