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+----- Thread: The Off Topic Thread (/showthread.php?tid=42)
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RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 18-05-2017
Sometimes I stare at my G/F when she isnt looking and I think to myself........
Wow,........ She is one lucky bitch.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - silverbaggie - 19-05-2017
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or no legs. One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay.
He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man.
"Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong.
He answered, "I've never been kissed before." The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time.
The man said, "I've never been f*cked." The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 19-05-2017
Dingle says....... Man who loses key to girl`s flat, gets no noo key.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - silverbaggie - 20-05-2017
Q: Why do the French like to eat snails?
A: Because they don't like fast food.
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 21-05-2017
My G/F is doing an experiment. She`s wearing a Wolves shirt for a week to get people`s reactions.
So far she`s been kicked, punched and spat on. God knows what`s going to happen when she actually leaves the house.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - silverbaggie - 21-05-2017
A boss says to his secretary, "I really want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast. I'll throw £1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be finished."
She thought for a moment then phoned her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for £2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself."
She agrees.
About an hour passes, and the curious boyfriend phones the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?"
She responds, "The bastard used coins, so I'm still picking them up and he is still having sex with me!
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 22-05-2017
There's a Polish bloke next door. Every night he stands at the top of our street singing, "I want to know what love is."
Bloody Foreigner.
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - silverbaggie - 22-05-2017
Towards the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Manager asks a young engineer fresh out of the Manchester Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"
The engineer replies, "In the region of £125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer enquires, "Well, what would you say to a package that includes five weeks vacation,
14 additional paid holidays, full medical and dental cover, and a Company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, with a company car leased and changed every two years, say, a top of the range BMW?"
The young engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 22-05-2017
The G/F and I were walking down the street today and noticed two cats in a tree. They were both slowly inching their way along a branch toward the tree's centre.
"Look at them," I whispered to the G/F. "There must be a nest up there."
"Don't talk like a twat." She replied. "Cats don't live in nests."
DD
RE: The Off Topic Thread - Dingle-Dingle - 23-05-2017
A little boy walks into the lounge one Sunday morning while his dad is reading the paper."Where does poo come from?" he asks.
The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5-year-old son is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:"Well you know we just ate breakfast?"
"Yes," answers the boy.
"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the loo, and that is poo."
The little boy looks perplexed, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks: "And Tigger?"
DD